Crystal Clear Dumbass

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It's very rare that I say too much. On those occasions, it seems okay in my head, then... Regret sets in about five minutes too late. Take tonight, for example. It seemed so clever. Definitely my A game. Three successive text messages that pretty much told The Tale. I was cool. For five minutes. Before panic set in. I did successfully render the recipient speechless, which was more or less my goal. Sort of. I wanted a response, just not the one I got. Of course you can't say I wasn't clear enough. Oh, no. I was clear. Crystal, in fact.

I probably never should have re-read my cleverness. I was smug, confident even. Until I took one more look. Oh, man. Are you kidding, Stacee? Where in the Hell did your filter go? And where was that line you said you were NOT going to cross... again? Yeah, she may be gone for good. By her own admision, she was trying to be good. Then you send that and that and that? Smart. Real smart. I sincerely hope I didn't push her away.

Of course had it worked, it would have been a thing of beauty. With my intentions clear, crystal in fact, she couldn't say she didn't know. I'm pretty sure she knew before, just not the whole story. Well, now she does. And I feel like complete unfiltered dumbass. Air of mystery, Stacee. It can go along way.

She didn't quite fall for it. Not yet anyway. And that may be my saving grace. Maybe I did hit on something, but she's playing to cool. Maybe she doesn't think I'm dumbass. Maybe if I'm just a little patient she'll think it over and take me up on my "offer". Let's just call it that. It was an "offer".

The old me probably wouldn't have said a thing. And I wouldn't have had anything to regret, but i might have still felt like a dumbass. A dumbass for not saying anything when I had the chance. You don't get something from nothing. Sometimes you have to say it or do it just so they know. For once in my sorry and pathetic life, I did it. I said it. Clearly. Crystal clearly, in fact.

I think I'll spend the rest of the night looking for my filter and trying to find that line I apparently pole vaulted across a little while ago. I refuse to think about the next time I'll see her in person. That'll be a good and embarrassing time for me. You said what? Yeah, I kinda did. Um, sorry. I know that line is around here somewhere. My bad. I can't see that interaction being any fun. And that's after she gets done laughing at me behind my back for being so blatantly... What's the word? Oh, I know. Dumbass.

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