Notes from the Red Bird House

Ashley Judd had a lesbian sex dream. [There's a freaking brilliant opening line. My writing professors (and every writing how-to book I've ever read) say the first line is absolutely key. As a non-reader, I know this to be true. Start boring and there's no way I'm sticking around for even one whole paragraph] But I digress... Before her  people call my people (i.e me, given I am my only people), let me make one thing absolutely clear - To my knowledge , Ashley Judd didn't really have a lesbian sex dream. I am not spreading gossip about her sex dream preference nor am I saying she has sex dreams period. Admittedly, Ashley is a highly politicized feminist and the old school variety were often accused of being lesbians, so she could be but I have absolutely no evidence in that regard (Feel better, Ashley's People?). Moreover, in the nearly two decades she held the top spot on my Exceptions List, she never once set off my gay-dar.  Not. Once. Ever. I had a...

Some day I hope to maybe need my 'Exceptions List'. You see, at this point they aren't 'exceptions'. I'm single and therefore I can (feasibly) sleep with anyone I want without fear of reprisal. The Exceptions List, in its purest form, is intended to be a 'get out of jail free' card for those who are married, partnered, or at the very least committed. When the expectation is monogamy, an Exceptions List is crucial. Sure, the chances of ever meeting anyone on that list are slim but what if? Seriously, what if? You're in LA at a boring conference for work and you and a couple of your more fun co-workers decide to hit a few bars. While waiting at the bar for the bartender to get your drinks, ___________________ (fill in the blank) slides up next to you. You begin to chat, laugh, and find yourselves otherwise attracted. You ask him/her to join you and your co-workers but you find that they have left. Now it's just the two of you (his or her friends ...