Ashley's Lesbian Sex Dream (aka The Blue Room, Part II)
Ashley Judd had a lesbian sex dream.
[There's a freaking brilliant opening line. My writing professors (and every writing how-to book I've ever read) say the first line is absolutely key. As a non-reader, I know this to be true. Start boring and there's no way I'm sticking around for even one whole paragraph]
But I digress...
Before her people call my people (i.e me, given I am my only people), let me make one thing absolutely clear - To my knowledge, Ashley Judd didn't really have a lesbian sex dream. I am not spreading gossip about her sex dream preference nor am I saying she has sex dreams period. Admittedly, Ashley is a highly politicized feminist and the old school variety were often accused of being lesbians, so she could be but I have absolutely no evidence in that regard (Feel better, Ashley's People?). Moreover, in the nearly two decades she held the top spot on my Exceptions List, she never once set off my gay-dar. Not. Once. Ever.
I had also never dreamed about her. Then strangely a month after dropping off my list entirely, she appeared in a dream. In the dream (my actual dream, not some euphemistic "In your dreams, Stacee, Ashley Judd has lesbian sex dreams), she woke up, announced she'd had a lesbian sex dream (her words, not mine), then... Well, if she wants to know what happened next she can ask me (Have your people call...well... me). For the record, I was merely a by-stander, a fly-on-the-wall. I was NOT in any way a key player.
At this point in may it might be beneficial to have read "The Blue Room", a blog I posted not too long ago, about the "power" of the blue guest room at my step-mom's house You can read it here - http://theredbirdhouse.blogspot.com/2017/07/the-blue-room.html. It'll make what comes next make more sense.
Done? Ok. One guess where I was sleeping when I had the "Ashley Judd had a lesbian sex dream" dream. Just. One. Guess.
Yep.
The Blue Room.
It was my first night back in San Diego (I've made repeated visits this summer due to issues related to my aging father's health). My sister deferred the room to me saying she would prefer to sleep on the couch. Better for her back, she said. Plus her dreams are already so freaky and vivid that she didn't dare test the power of the Blue Room. Personally. She was, however, all for me having another crazy celeb dream. "Hope you don't dream about Cloris Leachman," she called out with a laugh as I closed the Blue Room door behind me. "Or Bea Arthur," I added. Lord help me. Seeing any member of the "Golden Girls" or "Young Frankenstein" casts in my dreams would have called into question the true power of the Blue Room. I quickly banished such thoughts; I was secretly hoping Alicia V. would reappear.
Then I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that Ashley Judd had had a lesbian sex dream. While I was sleeping in The Blue Room. Ashley probably didn't really have a lesbian sex dream that night (Seriously, the chances have to be slim, don't they, Ashley's People?) Nonetheless, we haven't determined the actual power of The Blue Room so until then we have to hold it out as at least a possibility. However improbable it may seem.
I slept five more nights in the Blue Room before returning home to Austin. No one else showed up in my dreams, not Ashley, Jodie, or (sadly) Alicia. Or (thankfully) Cloris or Bea. I ended up 1 for 6 on crazy celeb dreams that trip and 1 for 7 on my trip the previous month. 2 for 13 overall, good for 15%.
I sense some skepticism. If that was my batting average or free throw shooting percentage I'd be cut? The Blue Room isn't some kind of celeb dream portal? Its power is all in my head? Ok, then why is it the only place I ever these wacky celeb dreams?
I dunno. Why did Ashley Judd have a lesbian sex dream? [Shrugs]. We aren't meant to understand everything. Sometimes we just have to lean on faith. And a lot of wishful thinking.
[There's a freaking brilliant opening line. My writing professors (and every writing how-to book I've ever read) say the first line is absolutely key. As a non-reader, I know this to be true. Start boring and there's no way I'm sticking around for even one whole paragraph]
But I digress...
Before her people call my people (i.e me, given I am my only people), let me make one thing absolutely clear - To my knowledge, Ashley Judd didn't really have a lesbian sex dream. I am not spreading gossip about her sex dream preference nor am I saying she has sex dreams period. Admittedly, Ashley is a highly politicized feminist and the old school variety were often accused of being lesbians, so she could be but I have absolutely no evidence in that regard (Feel better, Ashley's People?). Moreover, in the nearly two decades she held the top spot on my Exceptions List, she never once set off my gay-dar. Not. Once. Ever.
I had also never dreamed about her. Then strangely a month after dropping off my list entirely, she appeared in a dream. In the dream (my actual dream, not some euphemistic "In your dreams, Stacee, Ashley Judd has lesbian sex dreams), she woke up, announced she'd had a lesbian sex dream (her words, not mine), then... Well, if she wants to know what happened next she can ask me (Have your people call...well... me). For the record, I was merely a by-stander, a fly-on-the-wall. I was NOT in any way a key player.
At this point in may it might be beneficial to have read "The Blue Room", a blog I posted not too long ago, about the "power" of the blue guest room at my step-mom's house You can read it here - http://theredbirdhouse.blogspot.com/2017/07/the-blue-room.html. It'll make what comes next make more sense.
Done? Ok. One guess where I was sleeping when I had the "Ashley Judd had a lesbian sex dream" dream. Just. One. Guess.
Yep.
The Blue Room.
It was my first night back in San Diego (I've made repeated visits this summer due to issues related to my aging father's health). My sister deferred the room to me saying she would prefer to sleep on the couch. Better for her back, she said. Plus her dreams are already so freaky and vivid that she didn't dare test the power of the Blue Room. Personally. She was, however, all for me having another crazy celeb dream. "Hope you don't dream about Cloris Leachman," she called out with a laugh as I closed the Blue Room door behind me. "Or Bea Arthur," I added. Lord help me. Seeing any member of the "Golden Girls" or "Young Frankenstein" casts in my dreams would have called into question the true power of the Blue Room. I quickly banished such thoughts; I was secretly hoping Alicia V. would reappear.
Then I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that Ashley Judd had had a lesbian sex dream. While I was sleeping in The Blue Room. Ashley probably didn't really have a lesbian sex dream that night (Seriously, the chances have to be slim, don't they, Ashley's People?) Nonetheless, we haven't determined the actual power of The Blue Room so until then we have to hold it out as at least a possibility. However improbable it may seem.
I slept five more nights in the Blue Room before returning home to Austin. No one else showed up in my dreams, not Ashley, Jodie, or (sadly) Alicia. Or (thankfully) Cloris or Bea. I ended up 1 for 6 on crazy celeb dreams that trip and 1 for 7 on my trip the previous month. 2 for 13 overall, good for 15%.
I sense some skepticism. If that was my batting average or free throw shooting percentage I'd be cut? The Blue Room isn't some kind of celeb dream portal? Its power is all in my head? Ok, then why is it the only place I ever these wacky celeb dreams?
I dunno. Why did Ashley Judd have a lesbian sex dream? [Shrugs]. We aren't meant to understand everything. Sometimes we just have to lean on faith. And a lot of wishful thinking.
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