Notes from the Red Bird House

I'm on the cusp. Alright so maybe that's no the best way to describe where I am. Technically I'm at Barnes & Noble using the free wifi and drinking a skinny vanilla latte that I know will interfere with my ability to fall asleep tonight. I don't want to lie awake tonight. I don't need to feel the darkness around  me and wait for my mind to swirl out of control.  Not any night, but especially not tonight. It has to do with the cusp. As in, "I'm on the cusp of something". It's probably more of a crevice. Or maybe a precipice. I shouldn't still be here. A year ago, yes. I had every excuse in the book to be where I was. Lies and deceit and treachery have a way of shoving a person right toward a variety of cusps. That I did not leap out in front of a moving train had more to do with the accessibility of trains than my mindset. A year ago this place was understandable. Now, it's pretty much a mystery. I'm not hung up on anything. I&

Keep one fact in conscious thought as you continue reading this post - I have dressed virtually the same for better than a decade. [Actually most of my clothes are exactly the same, not look alikes or similar. Exactly the same. No, I'm not into 'vintage'. I'm preternaturally broke. In my world, clothes have to last. Remember, keep this fact in mind.] Years ago I decided that I wanted to shave my head. More like Demi Moore in "G.I. Jane", than Sinead O'Connor in the 90s. I put it on my Bucket List. Shave head - Check. I'd always had short hair so the change wasn't all that drastic. To me. Low maintenance became no maintenance. I loved it. Among the general public, however, response was mixed. I got raves and my ass nearly kicked because I was suddenly even more "dyky" than before. Truly response had always been mixed regarding me and my hair. A girl or woman with short hair means a variety of things in modern day America. Mostly, if