Notes from the Red Bird House

Those of you who have been around awhile might recall the summer of 2018 when I trained through a God-awful Austin summer for a fall half marathon. Remember how I always seemed to draw inspiration during my long runs and then I'd pour all that into a blog for y'all to endure? Well..... I'm back training for a half marathon (A summer one this time...because it's Asheville, not Austin) and once again I'm finding the repetitive motion, lack of oxygen, and the hour-plus bout of "me time" fortuitously inspiring. That said, if running analogies and the life lessons derived from them aren't your thing, you might want to quietly exit and get on with your day. No sense wasting 5-10 minutes of your life you'll never get back.  Anywho, if you stuck around, thanks. I hope this turns out to be worth your while (and mine).  ~~ So let me regale you with some backstory. I was supposed to start training for the summer half marathon I mentioned above in May. And I g

  "This ain't for everybody. Toes hanging off the ledge..."  ~ from Eric Church, "Hell of a View" There are moments when I wish I could curl up safely within my comfort zone and just let the world around me do what the world around us does. It's been nearly five months since I gave the finger to my comfort zone such as it was in Vegas and set off through Snowmageddon scope-locked on (yet another) new life. Asheville. I've done this more times that I care to count - Kansas, Michigan, Texas twice, Las Vegas: Screwed the comfortable old normal and tried like hell to create a new one, all the while keeping my anxiety under a dull roar.  I spent my childhood safely ensconced in a one story tract home on Wanesta Drive in Poway, California. I can't say I ever thought much about my comfort zone back then. All I knew is that I preferred being home with my family more than anywhere in the world. I even faked a series of headaches in elementary school and  a fe

 "I might be undateable."  ~ Venus Williams Loneliness is a curious thing, isn't it? I wouldn't call myself a lonely person - I do masterfully on my own the majority of the time. But then.... There are those - let's call them - situations when it bodyslams me. One moment I'm better than good and the next I'm up to my chin a veritable puddle of self-pity. Look, I have enough self-knowledge to understand that's it's all just mental gymnastics bullshit that has me wallowing. I am truly better alone. Loneliness simply comes with the territory. Thankfully only occasionally. And thanks to the power of the mind - my mind - and the breathing exercises I nearly perfected in therapy last summer and fall, it always passes. With a violent eyeroll and loudly whispered "Jesus Christ, Stacee..." Because f*** I actually love my solitary life. I guess I need the occasional test of my 'sobriety' (Used in the figurative sense, of course, though thes