The Blog That Red Bull Wrote
Historically, my friends have assumed that I'm single because I'm afraid of getting my heart broken. Yeah, that's bull shit. Plain and simple bull shit. I'm no coward. I may live my life in fear of almost everything, but I never give in to it. That is courage. Some say that courage is the absence of fear. I say courage is doing what you need to do in spite of the fear. And I do what I need to do each and every day. I face my fears and take a step forward.
I can't argue with my friends too much, though. Their statement is right about a lot of single people (and once upon a time it might have been true about me). The world is filled with cowards. I see them and talk to them daily. Cowards never stand in their truth; they posture against it. They are a front, a caricature. They are a tough exterior, a mask. They run. They hide. They dodge. They lie to themselves so much that they start to believe their own lies. Their truth is a lie, a shield,and deep down they know it. They won't stand for fear of teetering, falling, and being found out. They want to be as strong as they lead others to believe they are, but they are too weak and too fearful. What if? What if? So they fall back on dogma, religion, and just plain bullshit. They are cowards.
It's okay. That's them. They will never have what they really want and really need. All because they are dominated by fear. Fear of what? Everything. Losing, winning, having, not having, sunny days, rainy days, truth, lies, snakes, butterflies, hope, hopelessness, Heaven, Hell, God, Jesus, smiles, tears, love, hate, and heartbreak. They think they are living, but in reality they are just going through the motions. They don't risk. They stay firmly within their comfort zone. They rationalize without even knowing they are doing it. This is who they are, who they want to be, and who they've always been.
That was me, pre-East Texas. I didn't risk and I didn't acknowledge my fears. I went through the motions, thinking I was living. I guarded against everything. I didn't want to feel too much, think too much, or experience too much. I was an island, more or less, and I was cool with that. Then I lost everything. And survived. It was that survival that made me who I am today. I risked and lost. I could have gone back to my island, but I didn't. I fought my fears (still do each and every day) and found courage. The courage to be. The courage to stand. The courage to know my Truth and speak it. The courage to strip myself naked. The courage to be blooded and not give in. The courage to cry, laugh, smile, and scream. The courage to trust God. The courage to believe in Grace. The courage to love. The courage to lose. The courage to experience beauty.
I don't think this makes me better. It makes me different, so different most don't quite get me. I live with intensity and passion. I live honestly and hide little. My truth is me, for better or worse. Because I choose to live so close to the edge, I often leave myself raw, naked, and unprotected. My ability to live like this astounds people and they just don't get it. I should fear, but I don't. I jump in with both feet into the deep end, time and time again. Whatever the outcome, I know I will survive. I have before and I will again. Courage is not easy. Sometimes it requires a dose of Benadryl to sleep (and a Red Bull to kill the morning-after groggies) and sometimes it finds you Googling knot tying, but in the end it is always worth the effort. At least so far it has.
I can't argue with my friends too much, though. Their statement is right about a lot of single people (and once upon a time it might have been true about me). The world is filled with cowards. I see them and talk to them daily. Cowards never stand in their truth; they posture against it. They are a front, a caricature. They are a tough exterior, a mask. They run. They hide. They dodge. They lie to themselves so much that they start to believe their own lies. Their truth is a lie, a shield,and deep down they know it. They won't stand for fear of teetering, falling, and being found out. They want to be as strong as they lead others to believe they are, but they are too weak and too fearful. What if? What if? So they fall back on dogma, religion, and just plain bullshit. They are cowards.
It's okay. That's them. They will never have what they really want and really need. All because they are dominated by fear. Fear of what? Everything. Losing, winning, having, not having, sunny days, rainy days, truth, lies, snakes, butterflies, hope, hopelessness, Heaven, Hell, God, Jesus, smiles, tears, love, hate, and heartbreak. They think they are living, but in reality they are just going through the motions. They don't risk. They stay firmly within their comfort zone. They rationalize without even knowing they are doing it. This is who they are, who they want to be, and who they've always been.
That was me, pre-East Texas. I didn't risk and I didn't acknowledge my fears. I went through the motions, thinking I was living. I guarded against everything. I didn't want to feel too much, think too much, or experience too much. I was an island, more or less, and I was cool with that. Then I lost everything. And survived. It was that survival that made me who I am today. I risked and lost. I could have gone back to my island, but I didn't. I fought my fears (still do each and every day) and found courage. The courage to be. The courage to stand. The courage to know my Truth and speak it. The courage to strip myself naked. The courage to be blooded and not give in. The courage to cry, laugh, smile, and scream. The courage to trust God. The courage to believe in Grace. The courage to love. The courage to lose. The courage to experience beauty.
I don't think this makes me better. It makes me different, so different most don't quite get me. I live with intensity and passion. I live honestly and hide little. My truth is me, for better or worse. Because I choose to live so close to the edge, I often leave myself raw, naked, and unprotected. My ability to live like this astounds people and they just don't get it. I should fear, but I don't. I jump in with both feet into the deep end, time and time again. Whatever the outcome, I know I will survive. I have before and I will again. Courage is not easy. Sometimes it requires a dose of Benadryl to sleep (and a Red Bull to kill the morning-after groggies) and sometimes it finds you Googling knot tying, but in the end it is always worth the effort. At least so far it has.
Comments
Post a Comment