Wanda the Witch

When I was little, I lived on the same street as a witch. She lived past the ditch and around the corner, which could have been China for as often as my sister and I were allowed to stray that far from home. We did, however, go 'that far' on Halloween (with our parents present, of course). And this is how I know I lived on the same street as a witch. I 'met' her one Halloween when she jumped out of nowhere and scared me. My mother thought it was funny. Wanda (that was the witch's name) apologized over and over. You see, she was a teacher's aide or something at the elementary school and I seem to remember my mother and her reminiscing quite often about the time she scared the living shit out of me when I was six. She apologized every time. For scaring me, not for being a witch. Which I always insisted she was. My mom said it was just a costume, but I didn't buy it and slept with a nightlight for a very long time.

This is what happens when you make a six year old watch 'The Wizard of Oz'. It's not a fun musical with a cute little girl and a singing scarecrow. Oh no... It's nasty foray into darkness and freaky little people. Find someone scared of witches and/or midgets/little people and/or tornadoes and I assure you that they saw that movie at the tender age of six. Then in my case, add a nifty Halloween prank and you've got a scared kid with a rational fear of witches who never quite believed that it was just a costume.

All I can say is 'Thank God' for Helen Hunt and Sandra Bullock. Whatever remaining tornado fears I may have had subsided when I saw Helen (in a white tank top) in 'Twister'. And at the age of nearly thirty, I decided that, if witches were as hot as Sandra and Nicole Kidman, but mostly Sandra, in 'Practical Magic' then there can't be much to fear. I don't think Wanda was hot like that, but in any case my fear was gone. I don't know what to tell people about their fear of midgets/little people. It seems a little irrational to me. Lucky for me, I didn't adopt that one. I was too busy with the witch and tornado.

So, was Wanda the Witch a real witch? The costume seem super real when I was six. I can't say I ever went back to her house to check it out. Not even on Halloween. I avoided that side of the street entirely. I remember my mom telling me it would be ok, that Wanda wouldn't scare me again. Oh yeah? In my mind she was still a witch costume or not. I didn't much like seeing her at school, but on her holiday? Hell no.  Now I'm pretty sure I'd be cool with it. I'd get an image of Sandra in my head and charge in there and never think twice.

What's funny is that I still don't like 'The Wizard of Oz'. I've tried to watch it a few times as an adult and I just can't get into it. That witch looks nothing like Sandra or Nicole. And the good witch? She looks silly, kind of like a fairy. Plus a talking lion, tin guy, and scarecrow? And all those Munchkins? No, thank you. Now it seems like a bad acid trip. Maybe if my parents had explained it that way when I was six I wouldn't have been so scared. Until I met Wanda, of course. Yep... I was doomed either way.