Three Realizations
I had three realizations recently -
1) If people don't talk to you, it means they don't want to talk to you.
2) If people don't see you, it means they don't want to see you.
and...
3) Just because you don't hear from or see people, doesn't mean they don't think about you.
I have spent a lot of time and brainpower analyzing, rationalizing, and making excuses. However, facts are facts and can't be fucked with. People do what they do because something motivates them to do so. If they don't do something, it means they aren't motivated. It's very easy. Speaking personally, I talk to and see the people I want to talk to and see (unless they aren't motivated to talk to or see me) and I don't talk to or see the people don't want to talk to or see.
I do admit that there are many people who fall into the "not motivated to talk to or see me category". I contact them one way or the other, either via text, phone, email, or Face Book, and they choose not to return my contact. I gets discouraging sometimes. There are people I miss and desperately want to talk to, but I don't get to. Because they don't want to. It could be hurtful if I let it sink in too far. That's why I don't. I don't stop caring about them or thinking about them; I just realize where I fall in their lives and move on. You see, I can try all I want, but they are going to do what they are going to do. If they wanted to make time for me, they would. It's that simple.
Of course, there are probably a lot of people who fall into the "I'm not motivated to talk to or see them category". They may wonder why I don't contact them or stop by to see them. They may wonder why it takes me an eon to text, call, email, or Face Book them back. It's not because I don't think about them, care about them or appreciate them. In most cases, I'm sure I do. It's just a matter of priorities. I can't say my priorities are right. I should focus more attention on the people who set me as a priority than the ones who don't. For example, I should text back the ones who text me and not bother texting the ones who don't text me back. It's a great theory that doesn't translate to practice very well.
I don't think I'm different from most. I have my favorites. With some of those favorites, the communication is equal. With others, it's one sided (and I'm the one side). My world is silent and occasionally frustrating. Most days if I didn't text anyone, I wouldn't get any text messages at all. It sounds whiny, but I'm tired of being the one who always tries. Now, I know my friends are busy and they have more to think about besides me. And I know that my assorted moves have left me a bit of an island to myself. However, I still get lonely and I still hope for THAT text.
That brings me to my third realization - Just because I don't hear from people, doesn't mean they don't think about me. Case in point, this afternoon I got a voice mail (my phone was upstairs on the charger) from an old friend and workout partner I haven't spoken to in more than three years. She said that she had a new trainer and they had been talking about me and the workouts we had done all those years ago. Once upon a time, we were very close and nearly inseparable at the gym. Then time passed and we grew apart geographically and emotionally. I do think of her often and tell old stories about us to new friends. It seems that she does the same. So, just because we don't hear from each other regularly, doesn't mean we don't think about each other. I have many more friends like Cindie. Even though the years go by, I still care deeply and think of them often. And I smile when I see that they have called or texted me.
I guess the moral of this story is that not everyone is going to be who you want or need them to be. Though it seems like a bad thing, it's not. Realizations such as this can be a great source of personal power. Love those who love you and let go of the ones who don't. And anyway, they may just be busy. Thinking about you, but busy. Stop worrying about it and move on. As for the others, who wish you wanted and needed them more than you do... Don't take them for granted. Return their texts, calls, etc in a more timely fashion. Get un-too-busy every now and again. It'll do your soul good.
1) If people don't talk to you, it means they don't want to talk to you.
2) If people don't see you, it means they don't want to see you.
and...
3) Just because you don't hear from or see people, doesn't mean they don't think about you.
I have spent a lot of time and brainpower analyzing, rationalizing, and making excuses. However, facts are facts and can't be fucked with. People do what they do because something motivates them to do so. If they don't do something, it means they aren't motivated. It's very easy. Speaking personally, I talk to and see the people I want to talk to and see (unless they aren't motivated to talk to or see me) and I don't talk to or see the people don't want to talk to or see.
I do admit that there are many people who fall into the "not motivated to talk to or see me category". I contact them one way or the other, either via text, phone, email, or Face Book, and they choose not to return my contact. I gets discouraging sometimes. There are people I miss and desperately want to talk to, but I don't get to. Because they don't want to. It could be hurtful if I let it sink in too far. That's why I don't. I don't stop caring about them or thinking about them; I just realize where I fall in their lives and move on. You see, I can try all I want, but they are going to do what they are going to do. If they wanted to make time for me, they would. It's that simple.
Of course, there are probably a lot of people who fall into the "I'm not motivated to talk to or see them category". They may wonder why I don't contact them or stop by to see them. They may wonder why it takes me an eon to text, call, email, or Face Book them back. It's not because I don't think about them, care about them or appreciate them. In most cases, I'm sure I do. It's just a matter of priorities. I can't say my priorities are right. I should focus more attention on the people who set me as a priority than the ones who don't. For example, I should text back the ones who text me and not bother texting the ones who don't text me back. It's a great theory that doesn't translate to practice very well.
I don't think I'm different from most. I have my favorites. With some of those favorites, the communication is equal. With others, it's one sided (and I'm the one side). My world is silent and occasionally frustrating. Most days if I didn't text anyone, I wouldn't get any text messages at all. It sounds whiny, but I'm tired of being the one who always tries. Now, I know my friends are busy and they have more to think about besides me. And I know that my assorted moves have left me a bit of an island to myself. However, I still get lonely and I still hope for THAT text.
That brings me to my third realization - Just because I don't hear from people, doesn't mean they don't think about me. Case in point, this afternoon I got a voice mail (my phone was upstairs on the charger) from an old friend and workout partner I haven't spoken to in more than three years. She said that she had a new trainer and they had been talking about me and the workouts we had done all those years ago. Once upon a time, we were very close and nearly inseparable at the gym. Then time passed and we grew apart geographically and emotionally. I do think of her often and tell old stories about us to new friends. It seems that she does the same. So, just because we don't hear from each other regularly, doesn't mean we don't think about each other. I have many more friends like Cindie. Even though the years go by, I still care deeply and think of them often. And I smile when I see that they have called or texted me.
I guess the moral of this story is that not everyone is going to be who you want or need them to be. Though it seems like a bad thing, it's not. Realizations such as this can be a great source of personal power. Love those who love you and let go of the ones who don't. And anyway, they may just be busy. Thinking about you, but busy. Stop worrying about it and move on. As for the others, who wish you wanted and needed them more than you do... Don't take them for granted. Return their texts, calls, etc in a more timely fashion. Get un-too-busy every now and again. It'll do your soul good.
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