Ten Funky Tidbits for Tonya
It was her birthday this week and all I got her was card. So, because she seems to really like these funky little Top Ten lists... Happy Birthday, Tonya.
1) If you walk 4.1 miles on a 96 degree day, rehydrate with one 20 oz. bottle of water, start drinking at 5:05pm, and quickly drink two Ice Picks, you will be drunk by 6:00pm.
2) When you seldom get a real date, you'll call two outings with two pretty girls 'dates' just to make yourself feel better about yourself.
3) If you normally burn dinner when not multi-tasking, it's best to stop writing, playing on the Internet, drinking, and texting while trying to cook.
4) You'll buy a bottle of sweet tea vodka to get you through the weekend, even though you have a nearly new bottle of your favorite rum and plenty of diet root beer to go with it. Because your favorite rum always tastes better with your favorite people. And your favorite people are five hours away.
5) The thought of kissing the girl you have never kissed, but have been dying to kiss for nearly three years, will haunt you. Especially while drinking alone on a Saturday evening.
6) When drinking, you'll flirt with a girl you would never flirt with sober. Even if just on Face Book. Oy.
7. Only three more birthdays until you will get to spend every birthday with your best friend for the rest of her life.
8. When the woman who calls you her Best Kiss Ever announces that she's marrying someone else, you will be compelled to ask if you are still her #1. And be ecstatic to hear that you are. Even if you feel she might just be placating you.
9. You will be happy to sit and watch your completely hungover ex-girlfriend eat Chinese food just because you haven't seen her in nearly forever.
10. Just as you are about the send the mother of all drunk texts, it's best to take a walk. It won't sober you up, but it will take you away from your phone at the critical moment.
1) If you walk 4.1 miles on a 96 degree day, rehydrate with one 20 oz. bottle of water, start drinking at 5:05pm, and quickly drink two Ice Picks, you will be drunk by 6:00pm.
2) When you seldom get a real date, you'll call two outings with two pretty girls 'dates' just to make yourself feel better about yourself.
3) If you normally burn dinner when not multi-tasking, it's best to stop writing, playing on the Internet, drinking, and texting while trying to cook.
4) You'll buy a bottle of sweet tea vodka to get you through the weekend, even though you have a nearly new bottle of your favorite rum and plenty of diet root beer to go with it. Because your favorite rum always tastes better with your favorite people. And your favorite people are five hours away.
5) The thought of kissing the girl you have never kissed, but have been dying to kiss for nearly three years, will haunt you. Especially while drinking alone on a Saturday evening.
6) When drinking, you'll flirt with a girl you would never flirt with sober. Even if just on Face Book. Oy.
7. Only three more birthdays until you will get to spend every birthday with your best friend for the rest of her life.
8. When the woman who calls you her Best Kiss Ever announces that she's marrying someone else, you will be compelled to ask if you are still her #1. And be ecstatic to hear that you are. Even if you feel she might just be placating you.
9. You will be happy to sit and watch your completely hungover ex-girlfriend eat Chinese food just because you haven't seen her in nearly forever.
10. Just as you are about the send the mother of all drunk texts, it's best to take a walk. It won't sober you up, but it will take you away from your phone at the critical moment.
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