Pens to Pencils

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I've become a pencil person. Once upon a time, I think I was more of a pen person. I wanted to write in indelible ink. I wanted permanence, commitment. I wanted everything to last and never be erased. Eh, it's cool to want all that, but it's also kind of unrealistic. At least in my jaded and cynical mind. I am a true believer in Right Now. Yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is yet to come. There are no guarantees. None. And thank God. Seriously, thank God.

Life is good. I assure you of this. I'm cool. Really. Thank God for that. But while you're at it, thank God for a different tomorrow, too. I know this may sound strange coming from me. It almost sounds like I like change, doesn't it? I guess I do. I mean my mother always said you've got to "like it or like it" about all the crap in life you can't change so I guess I've given over to it. You can't change change. Like taxes and sunrise, change is one of life's guarantees. It's always going to be there. Fight it, resist it, rail against it. It won't change a damn thing. Change is a lock, a constant. And it seems to appear just when you've decided you're cool with the last change.

So yes, I'm a fan of impermanence. Fluidity. I like fluidity. To be liquid. Able to move, go, shake, bake, innovate. I don't want anything to hold me back. I want fewer possessions and less debt, so if an opportunity arises I'm available without question. I don't want anything to hold me back - not people, places, things, income. Nothing. I don't want to own property (two houses in a lifetime that won't sell are more than plenty). I don't want a girlfriend or family to answer to. I'm not even sure I want pets. I want a car with a trailer hitch and an inexpensive lifestyle. Because when change comes I want to be able to grasp it with both hands and shake it until it submits. I don't want to miss out on anything - Not a job offer in Gulf Shores, Alabama; not a weekend party in Texarkana, nor a hot girl in Arkansas. I want to be able to experience everything as it comes.

Think about this - What if tomorrow is even better than today? Even though today was pretty damn good? I know that may sound fickle and non-committal and I'm sorry for that. It's just where I am these days. I don't need the idea of forever. Heck, I barely need tomorrow. I've learned how to construct my world around me. As long as I have the basics, I can get by. So, give me a pencil. I don't want anything in ink. Nothing. Here today, gone tomorrow. It's cool. Bring on change. I'm ready. Today. Check back tomorrow. I may have changed my mind.

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