Comfortable Is Good
I had a dream a few days ago and I just can't shake it. And, really, it's only about thirty seconds of the dream I remember and keep coming back to. I have no idea what preceded it or what came next, if anything at all. I was with a group of maybe three people, supposedly co-workers though I can't name names (really... it's simply something I know. I can't identify any of them. OK, maybe one). As we were about to go our separate ways, we hugged each other, as often do with co-workers. The last person I hugged was a woman who held me closer and longer than expected. She kissed me on the cheek and held me even longer. Suddenly I was drawn to her in a way I'd never been. It wasn't sensual or over-poweringly sexual. It was comfortable. And that's what I can't seem to shake.
I have long sought The Connection, The One. I want electricity and magnetism, angels singing and gods smiling. I want to be drawn in and held tightly, but in a way that sets every pore of my mind, body, and soul on fire. And not just some small little bonfire. I'm talking about an inferno that burns hot and fast and spreads wildly. Effectively, I want the fairy tale passion and romance, even though I swear I swore off fairy tales long ago.
There is something captivating about passion and connection. It's intriguing and exciting. It gets you up in the morning, occupies your every waking impulse, and settles you into a restless sleep at night. And it's what we are supposed to crave, seek, and eventually find. At least that's what happens in books and movies. The heroes and heroines finally come together in a huge bolt of lightening and a clap of thunder and live happily ever after.
Of course, that seldom happens in real life. The thunder and lightening of connection, yes. Happily ever after, no (Truthfully, it's probably the same in the movies. We just aren't privy to what happens after the closing credits. If there's no sequel, we can only guess that our heroes broke up shortly after the movie ended). I'm beginning to think that the hotter the fire and the more intense the connection, the quicker unhappily ever after arrives. A friend once put it to me this way - What happens when you pour gas on a fire? It flashes and burns brightly then goes out as quickly as it flared up. Would you rather have that or a small,well-made fire with lots of kindling designed to burn and burn and burn? Hmm... Good question.
What I'm seeing now is that she was essentially explaining the difference between passion and comfort. We always say 'comfortable' like it's a bad thing. We all want the fire and the angels and the connection, however all that can only last so long, We can try to keep passion and romance alive, but ultimately real life must set in. We can't want to rip each others' clothes off constantly and stay magnetically adhered to one another forever.We have to live day-to-day - go to work, make dinner, pay bills, raise children, clean the house. At some point, it has to become comfortable. We actually have to like each other and enjoy spending time together. We also have to agree on issues, such as finances, child rearing, and cleanliness. Overwhelming passion and excitement only get us so far.
I'm not saying that passion and comfort are mutually exclusive. I simply don't believe that a relationship can work (for long) without comfort. When my supposed co-worker hugged me in my dream there was a stirring within me, but that 'excitement' was tempered by a calmness of being. That calmness I call 'comfort' and I have to say it was at least as enticing as the sizzle of connection. And it truly begs the question - what do I want? Do I want a magnetic connection, like I've had before, that lasts a short time? Or do I want a gentler connection that might last a lot longer?
I honestly don't know the answer to that. I'm in a HUGE single phase, so I'm probably biased toward heat and angels singing at this point. I'd go for something short, sweet, and overwhelming (especially if it ended with a short stint on The Break-Up Diet). Ultimately, however, I think I'll want a calm and comfortable connection that, in truth, may be no less magnetic. I guess that's what I can't seem to shake. Plus, I keep seeing her and it always makes me pause and wonder why in the Hell I dreamed of her THAT way. I don't stop to talk anymore. No way. I say a polite 'hello' and keep walking. Still, I'm sure it'll mean something in the grander scheme of things at some point. This was far too random to be random. Yes, God... I'm listening. Comfortable is good. I know.
I have long sought The Connection, The One. I want electricity and magnetism, angels singing and gods smiling. I want to be drawn in and held tightly, but in a way that sets every pore of my mind, body, and soul on fire. And not just some small little bonfire. I'm talking about an inferno that burns hot and fast and spreads wildly. Effectively, I want the fairy tale passion and romance, even though I swear I swore off fairy tales long ago.
There is something captivating about passion and connection. It's intriguing and exciting. It gets you up in the morning, occupies your every waking impulse, and settles you into a restless sleep at night. And it's what we are supposed to crave, seek, and eventually find. At least that's what happens in books and movies. The heroes and heroines finally come together in a huge bolt of lightening and a clap of thunder and live happily ever after.
Of course, that seldom happens in real life. The thunder and lightening of connection, yes. Happily ever after, no (Truthfully, it's probably the same in the movies. We just aren't privy to what happens after the closing credits. If there's no sequel, we can only guess that our heroes broke up shortly after the movie ended). I'm beginning to think that the hotter the fire and the more intense the connection, the quicker unhappily ever after arrives. A friend once put it to me this way - What happens when you pour gas on a fire? It flashes and burns brightly then goes out as quickly as it flared up. Would you rather have that or a small,well-made fire with lots of kindling designed to burn and burn and burn? Hmm... Good question.
What I'm seeing now is that she was essentially explaining the difference between passion and comfort. We always say 'comfortable' like it's a bad thing. We all want the fire and the angels and the connection, however all that can only last so long, We can try to keep passion and romance alive, but ultimately real life must set in. We can't want to rip each others' clothes off constantly and stay magnetically adhered to one another forever.We have to live day-to-day - go to work, make dinner, pay bills, raise children, clean the house. At some point, it has to become comfortable. We actually have to like each other and enjoy spending time together. We also have to agree on issues, such as finances, child rearing, and cleanliness. Overwhelming passion and excitement only get us so far.
I'm not saying that passion and comfort are mutually exclusive. I simply don't believe that a relationship can work (for long) without comfort. When my supposed co-worker hugged me in my dream there was a stirring within me, but that 'excitement' was tempered by a calmness of being. That calmness I call 'comfort' and I have to say it was at least as enticing as the sizzle of connection. And it truly begs the question - what do I want? Do I want a magnetic connection, like I've had before, that lasts a short time? Or do I want a gentler connection that might last a lot longer?
I honestly don't know the answer to that. I'm in a HUGE single phase, so I'm probably biased toward heat and angels singing at this point. I'd go for something short, sweet, and overwhelming (especially if it ended with a short stint on The Break-Up Diet). Ultimately, however, I think I'll want a calm and comfortable connection that, in truth, may be no less magnetic. I guess that's what I can't seem to shake. Plus, I keep seeing her and it always makes me pause and wonder why in the Hell I dreamed of her THAT way. I don't stop to talk anymore. No way. I say a polite 'hello' and keep walking. Still, I'm sure it'll mean something in the grander scheme of things at some point. This was far too random to be random. Yes, God... I'm listening. Comfortable is good. I know.
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