The Metaphysics of Impatience

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I think I may have finally gotten over my impatience. I'm not saying that I've learned patience. I don't think I'm that far along. I'm not even sure I'm moving in that direction. Take it from me - the absence of impatience does not (necessarily) equal patience. I'm not calm and cool with waiting. I've pretty much decided that everything I thought I was waiting for is never going to happen. It's like I've been waiting for a bus that's never going to come. You don't suddenly grow patient with waiting when you finally make this realization. You stop waiting. There's a decisive difference. It's called 'Plan B'.

I used to be like a kid on a long car ride with God. Are we there yet? How much longer? Can we stop at McDonald's? I was impatient (and probably a little obnoxious at times). I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it NOW. Sooner than, if given the choice (which I wasn't). I wasn't into waiting. I was impatient. Truth be told, I seldom had a clue about what I really wanted. I fell back on 'not this' far too often.

As if what I wanted mattered anyway.

So yes, Plan B. I've decided to roll with it. I'm giving over (which is decisively different that giving up). I'm letting God lead for once. I'm not going to ask. I'm not going to pester. I'm not going to beseech. God seems to think He knows best, so I'm going to believe Him. I'm unfurling a wee bit of faith and just going with it. It's not that I've given up dreaming; dreaming and procrastinating those dreams are a huge part of my lifestyle. I can't just quit. I'd have nothing to do. I can assure you, I'm not going to be any more definitive about what I want than I've ever been. I'm simply going to trust that God has a plan for me (Plan B, perhaps) and He will reveal it to me when He is good and ready. Who am I to make demands of God? Who am I to be impatient?

I can stop looking around corners. I can stop hoping for blind curves.  I can stop waiting for what I think I want. God is showing me the way, whether I choose to see it or not. I'm not talking about predestination. I don't believe in it, not entirely anyway. I think I have a Fate - a place I'm supposed to end up and mile markers that I'm supposed to pass along the way. There are many routes to this Fate. God has the map and, if I let Him, He can make my trip a lot easier. If I shut up, lose my impatience, and listen. I think I'm finally learning the easy way. Give over, have faith, know. Go where God leads.

I still hope that some of my dreams come true. That maybe God will at least let me take a detour every now and again and actually get what I want, even if it makes the road longer. Now there's a good argument = Should I take time pursing what I want or simply trust God that my Fate is better than anything I could imagine wanting? Or do I just need to listen to my soul and know that God and I have the same vision? Maybe what I truly want in the depths of my soul IS my Fate. In this case, patience is possible and waiting is okay. Who am I to doubt God AND my soul? One or the other maybe, but certainly not both.

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