(Kinda) (Sorta)

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I know I'm drunk when I say the words, 'Fuck you, _______ ___________' (you thought I was actually going to tell you WHO? Riight. I seldom give away my secrets). It's a matter of self-esteem, which apparently comes out in spades when I've been drinking. In truth, we could probably fill in the blank with a few different first and last names or first and middle names or first, middle, and last names (or maybe even just first names). Such is my life. What is it that I said recently, "When I can finally say, 'Fuck you' (and mean it)..., I'm know I on my way back"? I can. Definitely. Suffice it to say, if I was ever under you, I'm over you. It's a good place to be. I'm not sad, nor happy; mad, nor glad. I am just... Me.

I can't explain the how it feels to be finally done and over every last one of them. And it's not a rationalization. Which I promise you, it's not. I love my rationalizations and I generally own up to them, but this...? This is truth and honesty at the best they can possibly be. I am done, over, through, finished. I've had enough. They are no more, no longer. Amen.

OK, so the one I said 'fuck you' to a moment ago? Yeah, well... I was never officially under her (I wish... Argh), but I can still say I'm over her. Over all that. I've let it go, released, exhaled, etc. Done. Over. Through, Finished. She's been placed firmly upon the 'Friends' Shelf'. Probably. Yes. No. Yes. Fuck her and the horse she road in on.

Why can't this be easier? Because I need some crazy bullshit to occupy my mind? Yeah, probably. We know me. An occupied mine equals sanity, no matter how insane those occupying thoughts might be. 'Hi, my name is Stacee and I like completely unattainable women'. Please tell me that there's a support group for this bullshit. Otherwise, I'm going to need everyone to pray for me.

Swagger. Yes. I've got it. Who am I kidding? Drunk and alone in my mind I have it, but in the real world...? Ha! Not so much. For the unattainable ones. For the others? I suppose I'm a heart breaker, I 'move on the way a storm blows through'. Quick and seamless. At least for me. I don't worry about them, just as the unattainable ones don't worry much about me. Just once I'd like to find a balance.

But for now, I can confidently say that I am clear. There's nothing holding me back. Truthfully, I feel a certain swagger, even if it's only in my mind. I am perfect. Perfectly me. Perfectly done, over, through, finished. And ready to say 'Fuck you!'. And mean it (kinda). Take that and like it. You could have had me, but... You don't. Ha! (sorta).

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