Where the Heart Is...
'Everyone knows where your heart is, Stacee.'
~ a text message from a friend supposedly explaining why no one dares to date me
Alrighty... Question. So, where exactly is my heart? Everyone supposedly knows. I wish someone would tell me. I haven't used it much recently.
Do they mean in Texarkana? It is a special place to me and part of me will always be there. I love my friends, my house, my dogs, and everything else that's there and not here (including my 'duck blanket' and the red bird house). But is that why women in Austin won't date me? They think I'm going to up and move back home on a moment's notice? They should probably ask me the pertinent questions before making such a rash assumption.
Do they mean my job at The World's Largest Home Improvement Retailer? I do love my job. Then again, I've loved just about every job I've ever had there, except Front End Supervisor (no one sane loves that job). This job (Paint Department Supervisor), though, and the people at this store made me fall in love all over again. As crazy as it sounds, I love going to work 99% of the time and I enjoy 99% of my time there. In fact, I will admit to this - I had a chance to move back to Texarkana recently, but I declined because I love my job here so much (it also would have required me to change companies, lose the three weeks vacation I get annually, and take a 25% pay cut). All that said, I put in my forty hours and head to the house. I may ponder a few things on my days off, but work never steals much of my brain power when I'm off the clock. It absolutely does not have my heart.
Maybe it's because of my 'PL'? By 'PL', I mean my 'platonic love'. She is more than my best friend; she is the woman I love more than any woman I have ever loved. Platonically speaking. We are extremely serious about that, even though we get asked all the time. For the record, there has never been anything between us except a powerful and abiding platonic love. We are not romantically involved or romantically in love, yet I am deeply in love with her. Platonically. Let me use that word again. I wear a ring she gave me on my left ring finger, mostly because it fits better on that finger (my right ring finger is a weensy bit fatter). I've been told that this may throw off prospects. Again, they should probably ask the pertinent questions before making a really shitty assumption.
Do they mean 'the love of my life'? Perhaps. There are some that think I'm still pining away for her (I'm pretty sure she's included in that group). I don't know why they think this. I don't have her name tattooed on my body and I rarely speak of her unless she is important to the story, like how I came to live in Texas. Yes, I occasionally write about her, but more and more it's in a positive-I've-moved-on kind of way. I haven't written a word that could be misconstrued as a pining in years. Years. Everyone has someone they once loved, a lot, and they get to date. Why not me? Seriously.
Okay, is it because I seem to have a (long standing) 'crush' on someone? Word to the wise, I always have a crush on someone. Name a pretty woman I haven't had a crush on. Yep. That's what I thought. We can start with Ashley Judd and end with my latest IT Girl. Keep in mind that quite often I have a straight IT Girl and a non-straight IT Girl. This means I have multiple crushes going at once. Yes, I said 'multiple', as in more than one. I assure you that if one of them looked my way (for more than a nano-second), I'd jump, but it's a monstrous overstatement to think that my heart is in any way involved.
Is it because of the 'soulmates' I occasionally speak of? Nothing to worry about there. One is straight and married to a friend of mine. The other two have 'down the road a piece' potential. Our paths crossed once. They just may cross again. I promise you, I'm not sitting here in Austin counting the minutes until the time is right. Hell no. There's far too much life to live and too many other women out there to help me pass the time. At the rate that I date (and break-up), I could have 150 'relationships' (I use that term loosely) before I finally hook up with one of them. Yeah, so no. It's not the soulmates. Besides, if they have anything, it's my soul, not my heart.
Is it God? My heart is with God? Wow. Yeah, I might be able to argue this one. I do love God. But not with my heart. I love God with my soul. Jesus talked a lot about 'love' and the heart. I believe in love, but I don't believe that love only comes from the heart. God has my faith, my dedication, and my soul. He is and always will be The One. Yet He knows that part of the joy of being human involves loving others with the heart. He would never begrudge me love and I would never forsake love because of Him. We have an understanding. He doesn't expect me to be that Christ-like. Not in this life.
I appreciate my friends breaking down my date-free status into something so simple and heart-warming. The women who may want to date me don't because they think I love someone else. It's a nice thought, but pretty far-fetched. I'm date-free for many reasons, but I don't think that me 'loving someone else' is on the list. I honestly have no clue where my heart is, figuratively speaking (I'm pretty good with anatomy so I'm fairly certain I know where it is in the literal sense). I can't remember the last time I lost myself in someone and let my heart go. It's been far more than a minute. I'm thankful for that in some ways, disappointed in others. I like to say that I have goals that preclude the involvement of my heart. Most who know me will call 'Bullshit' on that. It's probably better stated that I'll let my heart go when I find the right person to let it go with. Sadly, those people are few and far between for me. In the meantime, I have my goals. And while they may not keep me warm at night, they do distract me and may one day help draw the attention of the #1 IT Girl of all time - Ashley Judd. I'm a dreamer that believes. Even if she seldom dates.
~ a text message from a friend supposedly explaining why no one dares to date me
Alrighty... Question. So, where exactly is my heart? Everyone supposedly knows. I wish someone would tell me. I haven't used it much recently.
Do they mean in Texarkana? It is a special place to me and part of me will always be there. I love my friends, my house, my dogs, and everything else that's there and not here (including my 'duck blanket' and the red bird house). But is that why women in Austin won't date me? They think I'm going to up and move back home on a moment's notice? They should probably ask me the pertinent questions before making such a rash assumption.
Do they mean my job at The World's Largest Home Improvement Retailer? I do love my job. Then again, I've loved just about every job I've ever had there, except Front End Supervisor (no one sane loves that job). This job (Paint Department Supervisor), though, and the people at this store made me fall in love all over again. As crazy as it sounds, I love going to work 99% of the time and I enjoy 99% of my time there. In fact, I will admit to this - I had a chance to move back to Texarkana recently, but I declined because I love my job here so much (it also would have required me to change companies, lose the three weeks vacation I get annually, and take a 25% pay cut). All that said, I put in my forty hours and head to the house. I may ponder a few things on my days off, but work never steals much of my brain power when I'm off the clock. It absolutely does not have my heart.
Maybe it's because of my 'PL'? By 'PL', I mean my 'platonic love'. She is more than my best friend; she is the woman I love more than any woman I have ever loved. Platonically speaking. We are extremely serious about that, even though we get asked all the time. For the record, there has never been anything between us except a powerful and abiding platonic love. We are not romantically involved or romantically in love, yet I am deeply in love with her. Platonically. Let me use that word again. I wear a ring she gave me on my left ring finger, mostly because it fits better on that finger (my right ring finger is a weensy bit fatter). I've been told that this may throw off prospects. Again, they should probably ask the pertinent questions before making a really shitty assumption.
Do they mean 'the love of my life'? Perhaps. There are some that think I'm still pining away for her (I'm pretty sure she's included in that group). I don't know why they think this. I don't have her name tattooed on my body and I rarely speak of her unless she is important to the story, like how I came to live in Texas. Yes, I occasionally write about her, but more and more it's in a positive-I've-moved-on kind of way. I haven't written a word that could be misconstrued as a pining in years. Years. Everyone has someone they once loved, a lot, and they get to date. Why not me? Seriously.
Okay, is it because I seem to have a (long standing) 'crush' on someone? Word to the wise, I always have a crush on someone. Name a pretty woman I haven't had a crush on. Yep. That's what I thought. We can start with Ashley Judd and end with my latest IT Girl. Keep in mind that quite often I have a straight IT Girl and a non-straight IT Girl. This means I have multiple crushes going at once. Yes, I said 'multiple', as in more than one. I assure you that if one of them looked my way (for more than a nano-second), I'd jump, but it's a monstrous overstatement to think that my heart is in any way involved.
Is it because of the 'soulmates' I occasionally speak of? Nothing to worry about there. One is straight and married to a friend of mine. The other two have 'down the road a piece' potential. Our paths crossed once. They just may cross again. I promise you, I'm not sitting here in Austin counting the minutes until the time is right. Hell no. There's far too much life to live and too many other women out there to help me pass the time. At the rate that I date (and break-up), I could have 150 'relationships' (I use that term loosely) before I finally hook up with one of them. Yeah, so no. It's not the soulmates. Besides, if they have anything, it's my soul, not my heart.
Is it God? My heart is with God? Wow. Yeah, I might be able to argue this one. I do love God. But not with my heart. I love God with my soul. Jesus talked a lot about 'love' and the heart. I believe in love, but I don't believe that love only comes from the heart. God has my faith, my dedication, and my soul. He is and always will be The One. Yet He knows that part of the joy of being human involves loving others with the heart. He would never begrudge me love and I would never forsake love because of Him. We have an understanding. He doesn't expect me to be that Christ-like. Not in this life.
I appreciate my friends breaking down my date-free status into something so simple and heart-warming. The women who may want to date me don't because they think I love someone else. It's a nice thought, but pretty far-fetched. I'm date-free for many reasons, but I don't think that me 'loving someone else' is on the list. I honestly have no clue where my heart is, figuratively speaking (I'm pretty good with anatomy so I'm fairly certain I know where it is in the literal sense). I can't remember the last time I lost myself in someone and let my heart go. It's been far more than a minute. I'm thankful for that in some ways, disappointed in others. I like to say that I have goals that preclude the involvement of my heart. Most who know me will call 'Bullshit' on that. It's probably better stated that I'll let my heart go when I find the right person to let it go with. Sadly, those people are few and far between for me. In the meantime, I have my goals. And while they may not keep me warm at night, they do distract me and may one day help draw the attention of the #1 IT Girl of all time - Ashley Judd. I'm a dreamer that believes. Even if she seldom dates.
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