Just No Telling

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I'm seldom in the right place at the right time. For being a punctual person, I'm usually too late or too early or somehow just not on time. I hesitate when I should jump, jump when I should hesitate. I wait when I should go, go when I should wait. I've been known to think too much and, on several fairly ugly occasions, too little. I speak when I should remain silent, remain silent when I should speak. What should I have said? Apparently anything would have worked better than nothing. Maybe. Of course, maybe not. Maybe what I said, the little I said, was too much. There's just no telling.

All I know, it that it's not me and it is me. I am everything and nothing - everything they want but nothing they can have, nothing they want but everything they can have. I'm in between, sideways, and upside down. Maybe. Of course, maybe not. Maybe my time passed and I missed it. Maybe I hesitated and I lost. Maybe I was patient when should have been impatient, cowardly when I should have been courageous. There's just no telling.

All in good time, they say. God has a plan, they say. I think they're full of shit, but I do believe God. God assures me that I'm not a dumbass, even on the days when 'dumbass' isn't a big enough word to describe my stupidity. He tells me I've always been in the right place at the right time and, if I've acted the ass, it was at least Graceful. God says that no matter what, my time is NOW - yesterday, today, tomorrow, and beyond. I trust because of my faith in Him and in the extraordinary. And with faith, more than anything, there's just no telling.

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