A Few Thoughts on Patience
'Are you gonna kiss me or not?'
~ from "Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not" by Thompson Square
Let's talk a moment about patience. Historically, I've sucked at it. I can delay certain kinds of gratification, like pizza, donuts, fried okra, and ice cream. Interpersonal patience is a totally different story. You see, I'm on my agenda, the rest of the world is on theirs, and we are nowhere near in sync. I want what I want, they want what they want, and we seldom want the same thing at the same time. I think it has to do with gravity and centrifugal force. Or maybe it's pheromones. Or God. It has to be something like that, but I'm really not sure. All I know is that I've spent my life needing patience so, in theory, I should be great at it. Practice makes perfect, right? Yeah, not so much. I'm still woefully inadequate, but I do have to say I'm improving.
Finally. I know, I know. But I am getting it. I'm sure God is as tired of me failing as I am. I know He loves me, however I don't think that stops Him from exhaling heavily and rolling His eyes at yet another of my impatient fuckups. Wait. Wait. Wait for it...... Uh, no. 'It's so beautiful... I can't help it'. I do have to say that my impatience does occasionally make me courageous, stupidly so, but courageous nonetheless. I know I talk a good game about the benefits of courage. Well thought out courage. Rational courage. Not knee-jerk-I-can't-wait-any-longer courage. Of course it's either that or a wild bout of undifferentiated anxiety which can either leave me crazy or over-medicated or, in rare instances, both. Needless to say (though I find myself saying it anyway), impatience isn't a good thing.
Impatience leads to irrational thought and thus irrational actions. Which of course seldom provide any sort of deniability and almost never lead to the desired result. I've learned over time that impatience, while sometimes immediately gratifying for a split second, results in more trouble than good. As my boss is fond of saying, 'you're either part of the problem or part of the solution'. Impatience is the problem. Patience is the solution. I've learned all this the hard way. I've played the fool, said things I never should have said, and had to seek counseling to stave off the crazy. All because I thought my agenda was the only one that mattered.
I was wrong. My agenda doesn't mean shit. God's agenda, that's the one that matters. Impatiences fucks with God's agenda which pushes things back and makes for ugly delays. You can't mess with Destiny. Well, you can try, but you won't get very far. Patience requires faith and trust. What is intended will happen, just maybe not exactly when you want it to. God has a plan and, given that He's God, it's probably best to go with it. Sit back and relax. The ride has purpose, even if it's incredibly frustrating.
I'm learning, however slowly. Faith is the key, but I'm not ashamed to admit that the Anti-Everything Pills pick up a bit of slack. At this point, I'm going with whatever works. I find myself listening more and talking less. Instead of thinking that I have to make it happen, I'm sitting back and letting it happen. When I think about rushing things, I fall back on God. If my one and only wish in this life is for peace, I must find a way to be patient. Patience means peace and, interestingly, peace makes patience easier. There are things I want, but I am content to wait it out. I trust God and know that He has extraordinary things planned for me. All in good time. All in His time. I've learned to exhale and ask only for peace. Funny, it seems to be working.
~ from "Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not" by Thompson Square
Let's talk a moment about patience. Historically, I've sucked at it. I can delay certain kinds of gratification, like pizza, donuts, fried okra, and ice cream. Interpersonal patience is a totally different story. You see, I'm on my agenda, the rest of the world is on theirs, and we are nowhere near in sync. I want what I want, they want what they want, and we seldom want the same thing at the same time. I think it has to do with gravity and centrifugal force. Or maybe it's pheromones. Or God. It has to be something like that, but I'm really not sure. All I know is that I've spent my life needing patience so, in theory, I should be great at it. Practice makes perfect, right? Yeah, not so much. I'm still woefully inadequate, but I do have to say I'm improving.
Finally. I know, I know. But I am getting it. I'm sure God is as tired of me failing as I am. I know He loves me, however I don't think that stops Him from exhaling heavily and rolling His eyes at yet another of my impatient fuckups. Wait. Wait. Wait for it...... Uh, no. 'It's so beautiful... I can't help it'. I do have to say that my impatience does occasionally make me courageous, stupidly so, but courageous nonetheless. I know I talk a good game about the benefits of courage. Well thought out courage. Rational courage. Not knee-jerk-I-can't-wait-any-longer courage. Of course it's either that or a wild bout of undifferentiated anxiety which can either leave me crazy or over-medicated or, in rare instances, both. Needless to say (though I find myself saying it anyway), impatience isn't a good thing.
Impatience leads to irrational thought and thus irrational actions. Which of course seldom provide any sort of deniability and almost never lead to the desired result. I've learned over time that impatience, while sometimes immediately gratifying for a split second, results in more trouble than good. As my boss is fond of saying, 'you're either part of the problem or part of the solution'. Impatience is the problem. Patience is the solution. I've learned all this the hard way. I've played the fool, said things I never should have said, and had to seek counseling to stave off the crazy. All because I thought my agenda was the only one that mattered.
I was wrong. My agenda doesn't mean shit. God's agenda, that's the one that matters. Impatiences fucks with God's agenda which pushes things back and makes for ugly delays. You can't mess with Destiny. Well, you can try, but you won't get very far. Patience requires faith and trust. What is intended will happen, just maybe not exactly when you want it to. God has a plan and, given that He's God, it's probably best to go with it. Sit back and relax. The ride has purpose, even if it's incredibly frustrating.
I'm learning, however slowly. Faith is the key, but I'm not ashamed to admit that the Anti-Everything Pills pick up a bit of slack. At this point, I'm going with whatever works. I find myself listening more and talking less. Instead of thinking that I have to make it happen, I'm sitting back and letting it happen. When I think about rushing things, I fall back on God. If my one and only wish in this life is for peace, I must find a way to be patient. Patience means peace and, interestingly, peace makes patience easier. There are things I want, but I am content to wait it out. I trust God and know that He has extraordinary things planned for me. All in good time. All in His time. I've learned to exhale and ask only for peace. Funny, it seems to be working.
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