Cooked Carrots, Being Single, and a Good Case of the Shakes
I know my friends mean well when they ask me about my love life. I think they fully expect an affirmative answer. They assume I'm going to have more to say than, 'eh...not so much'. This is probably why they have no idea what to say next and usually hit me with something like, 'Wow. That's really surprising. You're such an awesome person'. At this point I usually handicap it all by saying that I prefer being single, essentially meaning I could have a girlfriend if I wanted one. This is about half true. I do prefer being single, but more and more I wonder if it's just a rationalization intended to boost my sanity.
My grandfather used to say that cooked carrots 'made him shake'. I never got it until they also made me shake. That's the way I also feel about relationships - they make me shake. I know if you like cooked carrots, you're not going to fully understand. How about peas? They oog me out too, the way they pop. I can eat them, but I have to swallow them whole. That's how I feel about relationships - I can do it, however I'd really rather not.
Or so I like to say. So, what is it about relationships that make me shake? They are all-consuming, all-dominating, and I'm really not very good at them. People say I seem like a great girlfriend, but it takes constant vigilance and I'm not cool with constant anything. And truly, I'm beyond thinking that it matters what I do. It's like playing the lottery. You pick the numbers and wait. Everything else is in the control of someone else. I can rub my lucky rabbit's foot, consult my Magic 8 Ball, and/or jump up and down on one foot, but nothing I do will make a damn bit of difference. That's me and relationships. I've been a 'good' girlfriend and a 'bad' girlfriend much to the same result. Thank God I discovered the Grace that is The Break-Up Diet.
So, do I honestly prefer being single? To answer that I'm going to fall back on something my mother said long, long ago when I decided to move to Michigan. It was regarding snow and icky winter weather, but I've found it useful in many other arenas over the years. She told me that I had essentially two choices - I could either Like it or Like it. When something is a fact of life, like snow in winter in Michigan and apparently being single in my life, we have no choice but to like it. If we are to stay sane and functional. Either that or we can take evasive action and make a drastic move. Eventually I left Michigan for the milder weather in Texas, but other than hitching myself to some fuck-nut, I don't see myself avoiding the single life any time soon. Therefore I say I like it; I prefer being single. Do I? At this point, I'm not sure. I like to say I'd give it all up for the 'right person', but I fear that's just a line of crap. In any case, it's a moot point until the 'right person' shows up.
So, I'm stuck. And much like my friends, I have no idea why. They mean well, they do. They are incredulous because they like me and think I'm a good person, a 'catch' even. I tend to think the same (but with an underlying conceit, apparently). All that said, I try really hard not to think much about it. I've fallen into step with my friends who are fond of saying that my time will come. Generally, I use words like 'God' and 'faith' and 'trust' in my explanation which, while great words, do little to keep my occasional loneliness at bay. Thank goodness it's just occasional otherwise, I'd either go crazy or have to lower my standards and settle. Honestly, I think I'm cooler with crazy than I am with settling. Now there's a statement.
In the meantime, until the 'right person' comes along, my friends and I will remain skeptical along with a bunch of other adjectives. Personally, I'm just hoping to stay one step ahead of crazy. Of course, crazy seems to get the girl. Hmm... Nope. Can't do it. I'd rather rationalize that I prefer being single. Well, that and eat a big bowl of cooked carrots. Even though they make me shake.
My grandfather used to say that cooked carrots 'made him shake'. I never got it until they also made me shake. That's the way I also feel about relationships - they make me shake. I know if you like cooked carrots, you're not going to fully understand. How about peas? They oog me out too, the way they pop. I can eat them, but I have to swallow them whole. That's how I feel about relationships - I can do it, however I'd really rather not.
Or so I like to say. So, what is it about relationships that make me shake? They are all-consuming, all-dominating, and I'm really not very good at them. People say I seem like a great girlfriend, but it takes constant vigilance and I'm not cool with constant anything. And truly, I'm beyond thinking that it matters what I do. It's like playing the lottery. You pick the numbers and wait. Everything else is in the control of someone else. I can rub my lucky rabbit's foot, consult my Magic 8 Ball, and/or jump up and down on one foot, but nothing I do will make a damn bit of difference. That's me and relationships. I've been a 'good' girlfriend and a 'bad' girlfriend much to the same result. Thank God I discovered the Grace that is The Break-Up Diet.
So, do I honestly prefer being single? To answer that I'm going to fall back on something my mother said long, long ago when I decided to move to Michigan. It was regarding snow and icky winter weather, but I've found it useful in many other arenas over the years. She told me that I had essentially two choices - I could either Like it or Like it. When something is a fact of life, like snow in winter in Michigan and apparently being single in my life, we have no choice but to like it. If we are to stay sane and functional. Either that or we can take evasive action and make a drastic move. Eventually I left Michigan for the milder weather in Texas, but other than hitching myself to some fuck-nut, I don't see myself avoiding the single life any time soon. Therefore I say I like it; I prefer being single. Do I? At this point, I'm not sure. I like to say I'd give it all up for the 'right person', but I fear that's just a line of crap. In any case, it's a moot point until the 'right person' shows up.
So, I'm stuck. And much like my friends, I have no idea why. They mean well, they do. They are incredulous because they like me and think I'm a good person, a 'catch' even. I tend to think the same (but with an underlying conceit, apparently). All that said, I try really hard not to think much about it. I've fallen into step with my friends who are fond of saying that my time will come. Generally, I use words like 'God' and 'faith' and 'trust' in my explanation which, while great words, do little to keep my occasional loneliness at bay. Thank goodness it's just occasional otherwise, I'd either go crazy or have to lower my standards and settle. Honestly, I think I'm cooler with crazy than I am with settling. Now there's a statement.
In the meantime, until the 'right person' comes along, my friends and I will remain skeptical along with a bunch of other adjectives. Personally, I'm just hoping to stay one step ahead of crazy. Of course, crazy seems to get the girl. Hmm... Nope. Can't do it. I'd rather rationalize that I prefer being single. Well, that and eat a big bowl of cooked carrots. Even though they make me shake.
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