Because of the Silence
I enjoy silence. I do. It's quiet, calm, and always allows for clear thought. I'm not going to say I prefer silence because that would be a lie. I love music and laughter and good conversation. I love the sound of the waves and the sound of the rain on a tin roof. I love the sound a ball makes when it hits a wooden bat and the swishing sound a basketball makes as it falls through the net. I love the sound of wind chimes in the cool night air and the buzz my cell phone makes when I get a text message. In the past, I've loved the sound of my girlfriend's breathing as she's slept peacefully next to me. Silence, though, has its place and, when well defined, can be equally comforting.
I'm used to silence. I've lived alone and been alone for most of my adult life. I've spent more time talking to dogs and turtles and cashiers at Walmart than 'real' people. I've been alone with my silent thoughts and carved dreams out of the nothingness of nothing. I've learned to draw from it what I can and leave the rest to God.
Silence can mean many things - I don't love you anymore, I don't miss you like you miss me, I'm busy, My husband hates you and won't let me talk to you, I'm scared, I can't do this anymore, I don't want to hurt you, You hurt me.
My strength was born of silence. In that strength, I've made dreams come true and learned to endure until a brighter tomorrow dawns. I am who I am because of my ability to outlast the silence. Sometimes we fight - me and the silence. I may bow, but I seldom break. These days I win more than I lose. I can't say it was always that way. I've done my share of bleeding. In silence and because of the silence. Now, my scars, while deep, serve only as a reminder of the battles I've won. They make me stronger, not weaker. They are evidence of the times I fought the silence and my fears and won. They provide perspective and give me courage.
Silence today is different than it used to be. I am strong and confident. Experience tells me that time does, in fact, heal all. They'll get over it and so will I. This kind of silence is at least defined. It is what it is and, as I'm fond of saying, it never was what it never was. And that's ok. Because in the silence (and because of the silence), I am good, better than most would think. This too shall pass and I'll chalk up yet another victory, because this is one fight I'll never lose again.
I'm used to silence. I've lived alone and been alone for most of my adult life. I've spent more time talking to dogs and turtles and cashiers at Walmart than 'real' people. I've been alone with my silent thoughts and carved dreams out of the nothingness of nothing. I've learned to draw from it what I can and leave the rest to God.
Silence can mean many things - I don't love you anymore, I don't miss you like you miss me, I'm busy, My husband hates you and won't let me talk to you, I'm scared, I can't do this anymore, I don't want to hurt you, You hurt me.
My strength was born of silence. In that strength, I've made dreams come true and learned to endure until a brighter tomorrow dawns. I am who I am because of my ability to outlast the silence. Sometimes we fight - me and the silence. I may bow, but I seldom break. These days I win more than I lose. I can't say it was always that way. I've done my share of bleeding. In silence and because of the silence. Now, my scars, while deep, serve only as a reminder of the battles I've won. They make me stronger, not weaker. They are evidence of the times I fought the silence and my fears and won. They provide perspective and give me courage.
Silence today is different than it used to be. I am strong and confident. Experience tells me that time does, in fact, heal all. They'll get over it and so will I. This kind of silence is at least defined. It is what it is and, as I'm fond of saying, it never was what it never was. And that's ok. Because in the silence (and because of the silence), I am good, better than most would think. This too shall pass and I'll chalk up yet another victory, because this is one fight I'll never lose again.
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