For Now I'm Good
Over the weekend I realized a couple things. (1) I hadn't made my annual attempt to reconnect with the one and only ex-girlfriend I don't communicate with, and (2) I love being at work more than I love being anywhere else. They weren't exactly epiphany level realizations, but still each had an impact on my psyche.
I took care of the first by sending a social networking friend request. I was pleased to find out that I'm not blocked from her Facebook. She hardcore blocked me from Myspace back in the day; I couldn't see her profile much less send her a friend request or an email. Oh, and just in case you think she blocked me because I went all kinds of crazy when we broke up, I didn't. Neither did she for that matter. We parted amicably enough which is to say that we drifted apart with little fanfare or tears. She decided to stay with her husband and I decided to stay in Texas. From my perspective, it's worked out pretty well for all involved. Given my 'blocked' status, I'm not so sure she feels the same way. I don't speculate as to why, though in the darker corners of my mind I like to think it has more to do with her a-hole of a husband than her. It's probably not the case, but I'm allowed to believe whatever will keep me the most sane. Thus far, she hasn't responded to my most recent friend request. I consider it a good sign that I'm not yet blocked (yes, I checked). Of course she probably hasn't checked her Facebook today. I'm sure that once she does, I'll be blocked. Oh well... All I can do is try.
What's absolutely ridiculous about that whole situation is that I'm on friendly terms will each and every other person I've dated and/or called 'girlfriend' (Well, with one recent notable exception. I'm certain that will be rectified once wounds heal). This list includes the ones who cheated on me, dumped me, and with whom I fought mercilessly. It also includes the ones I broke up with, my one-night-stand that turned into a dating situation for a few weeks, and the guy I slept with a few years back. All but four of my exes are Facebook 'friends'; three of the others text fairly regularly and the last is a blog follower. Ms. Michigan mentioned above is the lone hold-out and, if I'm speaking truthfully, one of the ones I loved the most. I don't miss her to distraction, but I do miss her. After five years, I'm pretty sure there's nothing left of the fire and passion that drew us together, so I assume it's safe for us to be friends. Honestly, that's all I want. It's all I want with any of them. Argh... Is friendship that tough? Apparently so.
My second realization could mean I'm pathetic, but I prefer to think I'm lucky. After nearly eight years with the same company, I love my job. I love my co-workers, customers, paperwork, schedule, and all the assorted bullshit that invariably travels along with a retail career. I'm a happy person, but I'm that much happier at work. I may hate getting out of bed at 4am for our 5am walk on Monday mornings, but once I'm up and in the car, I'm good. I can't remember the last time I didn't want to go to work. I love the way I feel when I'm there - content, capable, and appreciated. I honestly can't imagine going to work anywhere else or doing anything else with my life. It's not much and I certainly don't need my high-priced college degree to do it, but I couldn't be happier. Happiness for me is priceless, absolutely priceless. How many people can say they love their job and would rather be there than anywhere else? Assuredly not many in my income bracket. It's all just a rationalization because my personal life is so crappy? Go ahead and think that if it makes you feel better. My life outside of work is pretty decent. I have good friends, my writing, and a new found love of mango margaritas. Life all around is pretty damn good; it's simply better at work.
I don't know about anyone else, but I'm going to ride this train as long as I can. Sooner or later, I'll get blocked from her Facebook, but for now I'm good - She doesn't hate me yet, this year. Sooner or later, my job will start to suck again. I'll get moved to a different department or the work will get tedious, but for now I'm good - My job makes me happy. So, yeah... I think I'll sit back and thank God for my good fortune and happiness. You can think I'm pathetic if you want.
I took care of the first by sending a social networking friend request. I was pleased to find out that I'm not blocked from her Facebook. She hardcore blocked me from Myspace back in the day; I couldn't see her profile much less send her a friend request or an email. Oh, and just in case you think she blocked me because I went all kinds of crazy when we broke up, I didn't. Neither did she for that matter. We parted amicably enough which is to say that we drifted apart with little fanfare or tears. She decided to stay with her husband and I decided to stay in Texas. From my perspective, it's worked out pretty well for all involved. Given my 'blocked' status, I'm not so sure she feels the same way. I don't speculate as to why, though in the darker corners of my mind I like to think it has more to do with her a-hole of a husband than her. It's probably not the case, but I'm allowed to believe whatever will keep me the most sane. Thus far, she hasn't responded to my most recent friend request. I consider it a good sign that I'm not yet blocked (yes, I checked). Of course she probably hasn't checked her Facebook today. I'm sure that once she does, I'll be blocked. Oh well... All I can do is try.
What's absolutely ridiculous about that whole situation is that I'm on friendly terms will each and every other person I've dated and/or called 'girlfriend' (Well, with one recent notable exception. I'm certain that will be rectified once wounds heal). This list includes the ones who cheated on me, dumped me, and with whom I fought mercilessly. It also includes the ones I broke up with, my one-night-stand that turned into a dating situation for a few weeks, and the guy I slept with a few years back. All but four of my exes are Facebook 'friends'; three of the others text fairly regularly and the last is a blog follower. Ms. Michigan mentioned above is the lone hold-out and, if I'm speaking truthfully, one of the ones I loved the most. I don't miss her to distraction, but I do miss her. After five years, I'm pretty sure there's nothing left of the fire and passion that drew us together, so I assume it's safe for us to be friends. Honestly, that's all I want. It's all I want with any of them. Argh... Is friendship that tough? Apparently so.
My second realization could mean I'm pathetic, but I prefer to think I'm lucky. After nearly eight years with the same company, I love my job. I love my co-workers, customers, paperwork, schedule, and all the assorted bullshit that invariably travels along with a retail career. I'm a happy person, but I'm that much happier at work. I may hate getting out of bed at 4am for our 5am walk on Monday mornings, but once I'm up and in the car, I'm good. I can't remember the last time I didn't want to go to work. I love the way I feel when I'm there - content, capable, and appreciated. I honestly can't imagine going to work anywhere else or doing anything else with my life. It's not much and I certainly don't need my high-priced college degree to do it, but I couldn't be happier. Happiness for me is priceless, absolutely priceless. How many people can say they love their job and would rather be there than anywhere else? Assuredly not many in my income bracket. It's all just a rationalization because my personal life is so crappy? Go ahead and think that if it makes you feel better. My life outside of work is pretty decent. I have good friends, my writing, and a new found love of mango margaritas. Life all around is pretty damn good; it's simply better at work.
I don't know about anyone else, but I'm going to ride this train as long as I can. Sooner or later, I'll get blocked from her Facebook, but for now I'm good - She doesn't hate me yet, this year. Sooner or later, my job will start to suck again. I'll get moved to a different department or the work will get tedious, but for now I'm good - My job makes me happy. So, yeah... I think I'll sit back and thank God for my good fortune and happiness. You can think I'm pathetic if you want.
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