Sane Sobriety
I've pretty much given up drinking. It's not a 'forever' thing and I most definitely refuse to use the word 'never'. I still drink on occasion which is to say not very often. Being broke helps, but so do the Anti-Everything pills. You see, alcohol and the AEP's don't mix well. No, this didn't come as a surprise to me (it's right in the dosage instructions), but it sure did arrive as a pain in the ass. When I did drink, I found that I got drunk quicker and ended up not feeling well after only a couple drinks. And the accentuated hangovers? Yeah, they were no picnic either. After a few outings with similar results I decided I had a choice to make - Sane sobriety or insane drunkenness.
For some, the decision may have been a difficult one. For me, it was easy. I hate hangovers and the overall crappy feeling that overcame me after my second drink proved pretty convincing. I chose sane sobriety. If nothing else it's cheaper and I have legal anxiety relief all day, every day. I could have gone the other way and used drunkenness to medicate away my anxiety issues, but that could get me fired and/or arrested for DUI. Plus the AEP's cost me roughly $1.06 per month (for a generic with my insurance). Drinking could cost more than fifty times that much. So yes, while I may be infinitely more boring than ever, I am at least sane. However sobering that might be to those around me.
It's nothing new, this quitting drinking. My friends who have been around awhile know I go through these phases once a year or so. Usually it's due to a superlatively awful hangover experience, finances, boredom with drunkenness, or an overwhelming rational fear of a drinking and driving arrest. Suffice it to say, I've been a quitter before. This time I'm blaming it on something new (the AEP's), but the result is most definitely the same. I choose sobriety over drinking and home over out.
It also serves as a nifty retreat of sorts. Traditionally, most of my social interactions involve drinking. It's not that I can't go out and NOT drink, because I am certainly capable. I've done it many, many times before (as a matter of fact, I drank plain old Diet Coke at my thirty-ninth birthday party), but being sober around drunks isn't as fun as it sounds. I quickly grow weary of stupidity and meandering surface conversation. I'd rather be alone than put up with a bunch of drunken bullshit. Therefore staying home isn't really a hardship for me. I enjoy myself immensely and I'm honestly happier buried within myself.
I do miss sweet tea vodka and writing on my nights off. I suppose I could still drink in extreme moderation, which is much easier to do alone minus the inevitable peer pressure, and I imagine that one day I'll break down and buy a bottle. Of course, I'll have to save the money first then rationalize spending it. I don't see that happening very soon. It helps that my days and nights off are scattered and seldom ready-made for drunkenness. My job takes too much out of me these days to attempt it after a night of drinking however well I manage to moderate it. With these AEP's there's just no telling how my body will respond and I can't take the chance that I'll be at less than one hundred percent at work.
The good news is that I feel sane. Most of the time. And when I don't, I am sober and focused enough to change my thoughts and talk myself out of the anxiety. I find it easier to convince myself that I'm stupid and keep myself on the right side of sane when I'm sober. Plus I just feel better. And I'm fairly certain that I'm managing my weight better. I'm seeing a lot of wins and not very many losses.
As I said, I'm not one to say 'never'. There are and will be exceptions to every rule. I do enjoy 'imbibling' (the combination of drinking and spiritual fellowship) and I will probably keep doing it on occasion. I don't think it will be detrimental to my sanity. Otherwise, though, I'm done drinking for now. At least until I feel consistently strong enough to deal with my anxiety without the assistance of the AEP's. Therefore I would like to apologize ahead of time for the boredom that will assuredly travel with me. Just look at the bright side - I'm sane.
For some, the decision may have been a difficult one. For me, it was easy. I hate hangovers and the overall crappy feeling that overcame me after my second drink proved pretty convincing. I chose sane sobriety. If nothing else it's cheaper and I have legal anxiety relief all day, every day. I could have gone the other way and used drunkenness to medicate away my anxiety issues, but that could get me fired and/or arrested for DUI. Plus the AEP's cost me roughly $1.06 per month (for a generic with my insurance). Drinking could cost more than fifty times that much. So yes, while I may be infinitely more boring than ever, I am at least sane. However sobering that might be to those around me.
It's nothing new, this quitting drinking. My friends who have been around awhile know I go through these phases once a year or so. Usually it's due to a superlatively awful hangover experience, finances, boredom with drunkenness, or an overwhelming rational fear of a drinking and driving arrest. Suffice it to say, I've been a quitter before. This time I'm blaming it on something new (the AEP's), but the result is most definitely the same. I choose sobriety over drinking and home over out.
It also serves as a nifty retreat of sorts. Traditionally, most of my social interactions involve drinking. It's not that I can't go out and NOT drink, because I am certainly capable. I've done it many, many times before (as a matter of fact, I drank plain old Diet Coke at my thirty-ninth birthday party), but being sober around drunks isn't as fun as it sounds. I quickly grow weary of stupidity and meandering surface conversation. I'd rather be alone than put up with a bunch of drunken bullshit. Therefore staying home isn't really a hardship for me. I enjoy myself immensely and I'm honestly happier buried within myself.
I do miss sweet tea vodka and writing on my nights off. I suppose I could still drink in extreme moderation, which is much easier to do alone minus the inevitable peer pressure, and I imagine that one day I'll break down and buy a bottle. Of course, I'll have to save the money first then rationalize spending it. I don't see that happening very soon. It helps that my days and nights off are scattered and seldom ready-made for drunkenness. My job takes too much out of me these days to attempt it after a night of drinking however well I manage to moderate it. With these AEP's there's just no telling how my body will respond and I can't take the chance that I'll be at less than one hundred percent at work.
The good news is that I feel sane. Most of the time. And when I don't, I am sober and focused enough to change my thoughts and talk myself out of the anxiety. I find it easier to convince myself that I'm stupid and keep myself on the right side of sane when I'm sober. Plus I just feel better. And I'm fairly certain that I'm managing my weight better. I'm seeing a lot of wins and not very many losses.
As I said, I'm not one to say 'never'. There are and will be exceptions to every rule. I do enjoy 'imbibling' (the combination of drinking and spiritual fellowship) and I will probably keep doing it on occasion. I don't think it will be detrimental to my sanity. Otherwise, though, I'm done drinking for now. At least until I feel consistently strong enough to deal with my anxiety without the assistance of the AEP's. Therefore I would like to apologize ahead of time for the boredom that will assuredly travel with me. Just look at the bright side - I'm sane.
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