Really?
I remember now why I don't drink. With my cell phone nearby. It's not just the crushing hangovers. I have this... tendency... to say things I feel the immediate need to apologize for. Why in the Hell would I ever think that was even moderately appropriate? Yeah, I wouldn't. Sober. Admittedly, I'm better than most drunks if all I do is send a few text messages. Still, it bothers me. I'm better than this. Sober. Yes, sober. Which I am most of the time. God, I'm her. That girl, the one who can't handle her alcohol. Sure, I stopped short of PI and/or a Drunk & Disorderly arrest, but still... I can't handle it AND a social life. 'I'm sure your body feels damn good...'. Some may say she was begging for that response. I'm not a believer. It was innocent conversation that my drunk ass took down a road she never expected. How do I know (which another friend asked)? Hmm... No response speaks volumes, don't you think? Of course, she could be busy with other things and not washing her shock off in a hot shower with horse shampoo and a brillo pad (now there's an image...), but I'm stuck on the shower for obvious reasons (not THAT reason).
The more I retreat from society, the more socially inept I become. Truly, I am safest in a loveless relationship that masquerades as a loving one. If I think I need to be loyal, I will be. Assuredly, because while I may be many things, I'm not a cheater. Even though I may think about it. And I have thought about it. I might have even done it last week. If that doorbell had rang like she promised it would. Of course, I would have immediately regretted it. Ok, maybe not 'immediately', but at least the next day. Or the day after. I'm a Christian. Not perfect. Sex does not damage my Temple. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
And really, I call everyone 'Sweetpea', even the guys that work for me. And the dog. Which once upon a time got me in a bit of trouble. 'You call the dog 'Sweetpea'?'. Oops. And oops again. 'Sweetpea' tends to get me in trouble, both drunk and sober. I just don't know anymore.
I so hate the 'I was drunk' excuse. I've heard it a lot lately. I can't go with that, so how about the 'Dumb Girl' excuse? I'm definitely dumb. I know I accuse them all, but it's me. It really is. I am DUMB. 'You would assuredly remember the other'? It may seem like nothing to you, but trust me to someone it meant something. Something it should never, ever, ever, ever mean, if I am to maintain any kind of friendship. Oh well... At this point, I may have to use the 'I was drunk' AND the 'Dumb Girl' excuse. Hell, everyone uses it on me so often I should get a turn. Drunk and dumb. Perfect. And completely irresponsibly responsible for my actions (and text messages) tonight.
Thankfully, I'm out of mixer (ie. diet sweet tea) and I won't be going for shots any time soon. Six months might be the best estimate because I don't see myself going without her. And she's pregnant. She could drive me, but what would be the fun in that? In any case, I'm almost done for tonight. For one, I'm sure my mother is happy. She wishes I wouldn't write drunk, even though Hemingway made a million that way. Yeah, Mom... I often wish I didn't know the English language when I drink, too. Look. We have something in common. Others wish it, too. I am very certain. 'I'm sure your body feels damn good'? Really, Stacee? Really?
The more I retreat from society, the more socially inept I become. Truly, I am safest in a loveless relationship that masquerades as a loving one. If I think I need to be loyal, I will be. Assuredly, because while I may be many things, I'm not a cheater. Even though I may think about it. And I have thought about it. I might have even done it last week. If that doorbell had rang like she promised it would. Of course, I would have immediately regretted it. Ok, maybe not 'immediately', but at least the next day. Or the day after. I'm a Christian. Not perfect. Sex does not damage my Temple. At least that's what I keep telling myself.
And really, I call everyone 'Sweetpea', even the guys that work for me. And the dog. Which once upon a time got me in a bit of trouble. 'You call the dog 'Sweetpea'?'. Oops. And oops again. 'Sweetpea' tends to get me in trouble, both drunk and sober. I just don't know anymore.
I so hate the 'I was drunk' excuse. I've heard it a lot lately. I can't go with that, so how about the 'Dumb Girl' excuse? I'm definitely dumb. I know I accuse them all, but it's me. It really is. I am DUMB. 'You would assuredly remember the other'? It may seem like nothing to you, but trust me to someone it meant something. Something it should never, ever, ever, ever mean, if I am to maintain any kind of friendship. Oh well... At this point, I may have to use the 'I was drunk' AND the 'Dumb Girl' excuse. Hell, everyone uses it on me so often I should get a turn. Drunk and dumb. Perfect. And completely irresponsibly responsible for my actions (and text messages) tonight.
Thankfully, I'm out of mixer (ie. diet sweet tea) and I won't be going for shots any time soon. Six months might be the best estimate because I don't see myself going without her. And she's pregnant. She could drive me, but what would be the fun in that? In any case, I'm almost done for tonight. For one, I'm sure my mother is happy. She wishes I wouldn't write drunk, even though Hemingway made a million that way. Yeah, Mom... I often wish I didn't know the English language when I drink, too. Look. We have something in common. Others wish it, too. I am very certain. 'I'm sure your body feels damn good'? Really, Stacee? Really?
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