The Water Cooler Top Ten

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It's an odd sort of Top Ten List. From the 'And Y'all Wonder Why I Prefer Being Single' File... Said and heard around the proverbial 'water cooler' that is my life. All regarding the wonders of dating and girlfriendship.


1. 'I don't need a girlfriend. Hell, I barely want one.'

2. 'In order to have a girlfriend, you must be one.'

3. 'You don't have a drinking problem. Really? Well, your drinking just became a problem - You drank instead of hanging out with your girlfriend. That's a problem.'

4. 'I guess you could say it was a 'Come to Jesus' kind of thing. Yeah, she's on notice. I gave her a little more rope. And you know what they do with more rope....'

5. 'I think I'll leave the saving to Jesus and the Coast Guard.'

6. 'Communication is the most important part of any relationship in my opinion. So no, you're not asking too much. Now if you were wanting a detailed report of every time she wipes her ass, that might be a little excessive.'

7. 'Some people are just career fuck-ups. I guess on a positive note, at least she's good at something.'

8. 'I hate a liar. I may do some shitty stuff, but I don't lie. No matter how bad the truth may be.'

9. 'She says she's cheated on everyone before me, but has been "more loyal" to me than anyone. More loyal, but not loyal. Semantics? Maybe or maybe not.'

And finally... A positive....

10. 'Look what unavailable gets you. Well played, my friend.'




A day at Disneyland is to contraception what lesbian drama is to singledom. Period. The End.

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