Indiana

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"My body aches to breathe your breath..."

Once upon a time she was "31". iTunes just annoited her "Indiana". Last night I listened to a little "Mirrorball" by Sarah MacLachlan. Once upon a time, 31/Indiana and I had an amazing night that to that CD. Two and a half times on repeat, if memory serves.  I read her mind that night. Kids playing on a playground. She won't remember that part. I do. I also remember why "Possession" has special meaning for me.

She and I weren't destined then and I doubt we are destined now. Well, not in the way I thought we were back in the day. Now I am "aunt" to her boys (which reminds me I need to get a birthday card TOMORROW!) and we have a secret we never imagined. We are closer than I ever thought possible. And we haven't slept together or said a romantic "I love you" in more than a decade.

"Kiss you so hard, I'll take your breath away..."

Once upon a time she was The One. Then she wasn't. Then she was the one I blogged about every May. Then one day she became more than 31 and my ex-girlfriend - She became one of the few who could truly understand me.

A month later, now, she is merely a drunk text message and song or two on iTunes. Inwardly, she could be a lot more. A best friend who gets me? Who already slept with me? And may or may not want to again? Who has two amazing little boys who call me "Aunt Stacee"?

"Nothing stands between us here and I won't be denied..."

Ha! Sure, I will.

"Your words keep me alive..."

I think that is indeed possible. And that is why she and I have the bond we do. I'll take this over the other.

When I'm sober.

Because when I'm sober I remember I'm the aunt, not the lover, not the ex-girlfriend, not the one who could be so much more... And she is merely Indiana, the one who got away.

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