She Helps
I had a good day today. In all honesty, it was probably the best day I've had in over a month. Wait. It was absolutely the best day I've had in over a month. I smiled and laughed. And I wasn't faking it. I was genuinely happy. For a change. Some of it had to do with my co-workers. I work with some incredibly funny people who love me dearly. Some of it had to do with a certain friend who calms my soul and brings me happiness. Still more had to do with my determination and fortitude.
What's more, I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I can't say I've done a whole lot of that recently.Regardless what the day brings, I'll wake up next to her. I'm fairly certain that there is only one person in the world who understands what that means to me. It's not sexual or sensual. Oh, she's amazing, beautiful, 'hot'. I'm not saying she's not. I appreciate all that in her, but in so many ways she is more. Spiritual? Comfortable? Both? If that's even possible. In her arms, I am okay. I can cry, rage, laugh, dream. Above all, I can be. And she knows she can do the same.
Tomorrow, my day will start with her and end with a couple fun co-workers. In the middle I have a zillion things to do. And she will be with me for most of it. Standing in as my person, if nothing else. That makes me happy. I need a person and she's a damn good one. Whether she believes it or not.
If everything goes as planned, I just might have two good days in a row. Not too long ago I was skeptical that I'd ever have a good day again and now I'm staring down two? She helps, but she isn't everything. I made this happen. Just as I made the sadness happen. She didn't. Even though so many people blame her. If I created this happiness, I have to take responsibility for creating the sadness as well.
I know, even without the assistance of my counselor, that I have the power to make today what I make it. Lately, it's been hard to make it anything but shitty. Today, though, with one text message, all that changed. She texted. I responded. And suddenly the day was different. Mostly because I knew I would fall asleep tonight and wake tomorrow with her arms around me.
It takes what it takes. She helps. I won't apologize.
What's more, I'm looking forward to tomorrow. I can't say I've done a whole lot of that recently.Regardless what the day brings, I'll wake up next to her. I'm fairly certain that there is only one person in the world who understands what that means to me. It's not sexual or sensual. Oh, she's amazing, beautiful, 'hot'. I'm not saying she's not. I appreciate all that in her, but in so many ways she is more. Spiritual? Comfortable? Both? If that's even possible. In her arms, I am okay. I can cry, rage, laugh, dream. Above all, I can be. And she knows she can do the same.
Tomorrow, my day will start with her and end with a couple fun co-workers. In the middle I have a zillion things to do. And she will be with me for most of it. Standing in as my person, if nothing else. That makes me happy. I need a person and she's a damn good one. Whether she believes it or not.
If everything goes as planned, I just might have two good days in a row. Not too long ago I was skeptical that I'd ever have a good day again and now I'm staring down two? She helps, but she isn't everything. I made this happen. Just as I made the sadness happen. She didn't. Even though so many people blame her. If I created this happiness, I have to take responsibility for creating the sadness as well.
I know, even without the assistance of my counselor, that I have the power to make today what I make it. Lately, it's been hard to make it anything but shitty. Today, though, with one text message, all that changed. She texted. I responded. And suddenly the day was different. Mostly because I knew I would fall asleep tonight and wake tomorrow with her arms around me.
It takes what it takes. She helps. I won't apologize.
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