Ten Nevers
Never run out of rum on a Sunday in Texas. Yeah, I've yet to find a county that sells hard liquor on the Sabbath. Welcome to the Bible Belt. The Southern one, I mean. The Northern one isn't much better, to be honest. Suffice it to say, "Bible" anywhere is going to suck on Sundays. California. That's the place to be. If you can afford the cost of living.
My life is apparently full of "nevers" these days. That said, I have a boat load of advice for anyone who is willing to listen. Or dumb enough to read by blog. Let's see if I can come up with ten. Sort of life one of my Top Ten Lists.
1. Never date a married woman or a woman with a steady girlfriend. She will not choose you. Ok, better said, she will not choose me. You, on the other hand, might get lucky.
2. Never lie to anyone smarter than you are. Not smart? Don't lie.
3. Never commit sexual harassment with anyone with less to lose than you do. This is not from personal experience. I only date co-workers on the same level. While we are co-workers. I do this for a reason - I need my job.
4. Never delete anything you write. Unless it sucks and you hate it. In that case, go for it.
5. Never drive to the jail drunk. Unless you are listening to Michael Bolton...which I still swear prevents DUIs.
6. Never listen to Sarah MacLachlan unless you want to recall one particular amazing night in the summer of 2002.
7. Never drink while getting a tattoo. You'll bleed and bleed and the tattoo artist will have to do your tattoo free-hand. Mine turned out ok. You may not be as lucky.
8. Never be a lesbian in a small town who hangs out with the prettiest women. Rumor will have it that you're sleeping with each and every one of them. Oh wait... That may not be a bad thing.
9. Never expect perfect. Not in yourself and certainly not in others. You will be disappointed.
10. Never ride a bicycle into a pool. One of my long-time blog readers can attest to this.
There you go. I could probably keep writing. Maybe get to a hundred. Of course it strikes me as being a bit more negative than I usually allow myself to be. Perhaps I'll write "Ten Always" next.
My life is apparently full of "nevers" these days. That said, I have a boat load of advice for anyone who is willing to listen. Or dumb enough to read by blog. Let's see if I can come up with ten. Sort of life one of my Top Ten Lists.
1. Never date a married woman or a woman with a steady girlfriend. She will not choose you. Ok, better said, she will not choose me. You, on the other hand, might get lucky.
2. Never lie to anyone smarter than you are. Not smart? Don't lie.
3. Never commit sexual harassment with anyone with less to lose than you do. This is not from personal experience. I only date co-workers on the same level. While we are co-workers. I do this for a reason - I need my job.
4. Never delete anything you write. Unless it sucks and you hate it. In that case, go for it.
5. Never drive to the jail drunk. Unless you are listening to Michael Bolton...which I still swear prevents DUIs.
6. Never listen to Sarah MacLachlan unless you want to recall one particular amazing night in the summer of 2002.
7. Never drink while getting a tattoo. You'll bleed and bleed and the tattoo artist will have to do your tattoo free-hand. Mine turned out ok. You may not be as lucky.
8. Never be a lesbian in a small town who hangs out with the prettiest women. Rumor will have it that you're sleeping with each and every one of them. Oh wait... That may not be a bad thing.
9. Never expect perfect. Not in yourself and certainly not in others. You will be disappointed.
10. Never ride a bicycle into a pool. One of my long-time blog readers can attest to this.
There you go. I could probably keep writing. Maybe get to a hundred. Of course it strikes me as being a bit more negative than I usually allow myself to be. Perhaps I'll write "Ten Always" next.
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