Waiting But Not Waiting

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I've been waiting awhile now. Waiting, but not waiting. It's not like I've been wiling away the time in some spiritual waiting room reading old copies of 'Women's Day' for two years. Maybe the better term would be 'lingering'. Yes, I've been 'lingering'. Loitering, hanging out, hanging around. I've always been certain that my turn would come eventually and I still think it will. I'm just not sure it's what I want anymore.

Standing in line brings enlightenment. If I'd gotten what I wanted two years ago, I'd have learned all these lessons the hard way. Now, I know what I know and while painful, it's a different kind of pain. I'm disappointed, but not heart broken. It think I'm on the right side of good on this one.

The truth rolls out slowly. It does. I made all kinds of rationalizations and really, really hoped that I wasn't seeing what I was seeing, but there came a time when reality became overwhelming. At that point, denial went out the window and I saw reality for the first time. It isn't the most pleasant reality, but it is what it is.

I'm not here to change anyone. I'm not. Sure, I'd like to open a mind or two and I try to live the change I want to see in the world. That said, I'm not perfect; I'm human. I've made my share of mistakes and I'm sure I'll make more. I try to learn the lessons I need to learn and move on.

And that's exactly what I need to do now - move on, get out of line, stop waiting. Assuredly, I'll find something new to occupy my time and my mind. God has consistently shown me that there's always something else out there for me. It might be a few twists and turns down the path, but it'll be there waiting on me nonetheless. In the meantime, I'm going to swallow my disappointment, chalk it up to experience, and get on with life. I've done it before so I can do it again. No worries here.

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