Conspiracy of the Gods
The gods are conspiring against me. I'm sure it's a sign. A sign of what? The coming apocalypse? The Rapture? Golly, I hope not. I want to get one more mango margarita and slice of pizza in before all that goes down. I think it's a sign that I need to be healthier and drink less. Eh.......... What do the gods know anyway?
I'm not saying that they were working together on this one, but yesterday the Pizza Gods and Mango Margarita Gods both decided to make my life a shade more disappointing. Don't get me wrong, I hold the ultimate power in our relationship so I managed to make it come out in my favor. It's not always easy to put a happy spin on things, but somehow I did it yesterday. Imagine a hostage kicking and screaming as he's thrown in the back of a white panel van with a hood over his head and you'll get the picture. Trust me, I wanted to wallow and be pissed off that things didn't go my way. However, in my usual aggravating Suzie Sunshine fashion, I forced the positive part of me to come out. Suddenly I was reconciled and it was all better. At least in my head.
So yes... The Pizza Gods. Yesterday I skipped taking my lunch. I was only going to get a half hour lunch and I figured I'd just grab a protein bar and a bottle of water and be done with it. I was going out for dinner and drinks so I wanted to save some calories. But then as I approached my lunch break, I decided I wanted a slice of pizza. I set off on foot across the parking lot. When I reached the little convenience store (that has pretty damn good pizza), I realized with horror that the pizza case was empty. EMPTY! I asked the girl behind the counter and she apologized and said that they were out. OUT?? On the ONE DAY I want pizza? No freaking way! I immediately determined that it was the Pizza Gods conspiring against me. I walked back across the parking lot and bought a protein bar. Yeah well, I showed those Pizza Gods. That protein bar powered me through one the best runs I've had in months. Ha! Take that, Pizza Gods. I didn't want pizza anyway (ok, I really did, but don't tell them that).
If that wasn't enough, the Margarita Gods got in on the action later in the afternoon. I had plans to meet a pretty girl for mango margaritas yesterday evening. Then I was told that I had to be on an emergency conference call. By the time it was decided that I didn't have to be on the call, plans had been irrevocably changed. My friend and I rescheduled for tonight which meant a great and amazing thing. I would have margaritas with a pretty girl TWICE in one day. TWICE. Take that, Margarita Gods. You conspire against me and I make it even better than before. I don't think the Margarita Gods appreciated my smug smile or my decision to drink some Sailor Jerry because they decided to fuck with me again. Mere hours later right after my second rum drink, my lunch date pretty girl cancelled on me. Mother-Humper. Really???? The Gods must be crazy. I guess now my only choice is to really, really, really enjoy my one and only pretty girl and mango margarita date.
I think today I'm going to take a much less cocky position with the Gods. I'm going to be thankful for what they've left me with. One pretty girl and a few mango margaritas is more than they left me with yesterday. Lest anyone think that I'm going to completely roll over, I still want a damn slice of pizza. Given that I have more resources today than yesterday, I think I can make it happen. With or without the Pizza Gods help. Hell, I might even stop in for a mango margarita on my way to get pizza.
Ooh, there I go getting cocky again. Might be time to seek shelter before the Gods get pissy with me again. Yeah, yeah... I'm sure it's a sign. But I still want pizza, margaritas, and a pretty girl or two. Good Lord! Maybe the Pretty Girl Gods were in on it, too. Now that... That's a sign!
I'm not saying that they were working together on this one, but yesterday the Pizza Gods and Mango Margarita Gods both decided to make my life a shade more disappointing. Don't get me wrong, I hold the ultimate power in our relationship so I managed to make it come out in my favor. It's not always easy to put a happy spin on things, but somehow I did it yesterday. Imagine a hostage kicking and screaming as he's thrown in the back of a white panel van with a hood over his head and you'll get the picture. Trust me, I wanted to wallow and be pissed off that things didn't go my way. However, in my usual aggravating Suzie Sunshine fashion, I forced the positive part of me to come out. Suddenly I was reconciled and it was all better. At least in my head.
So yes... The Pizza Gods. Yesterday I skipped taking my lunch. I was only going to get a half hour lunch and I figured I'd just grab a protein bar and a bottle of water and be done with it. I was going out for dinner and drinks so I wanted to save some calories. But then as I approached my lunch break, I decided I wanted a slice of pizza. I set off on foot across the parking lot. When I reached the little convenience store (that has pretty damn good pizza), I realized with horror that the pizza case was empty. EMPTY! I asked the girl behind the counter and she apologized and said that they were out. OUT?? On the ONE DAY I want pizza? No freaking way! I immediately determined that it was the Pizza Gods conspiring against me. I walked back across the parking lot and bought a protein bar. Yeah well, I showed those Pizza Gods. That protein bar powered me through one the best runs I've had in months. Ha! Take that, Pizza Gods. I didn't want pizza anyway (ok, I really did, but don't tell them that).
If that wasn't enough, the Margarita Gods got in on the action later in the afternoon. I had plans to meet a pretty girl for mango margaritas yesterday evening. Then I was told that I had to be on an emergency conference call. By the time it was decided that I didn't have to be on the call, plans had been irrevocably changed. My friend and I rescheduled for tonight which meant a great and amazing thing. I would have margaritas with a pretty girl TWICE in one day. TWICE. Take that, Margarita Gods. You conspire against me and I make it even better than before. I don't think the Margarita Gods appreciated my smug smile or my decision to drink some Sailor Jerry because they decided to fuck with me again. Mere hours later right after my second rum drink, my lunch date pretty girl cancelled on me. Mother-Humper. Really???? The Gods must be crazy. I guess now my only choice is to really, really, really enjoy my one and only pretty girl and mango margarita date.
I think today I'm going to take a much less cocky position with the Gods. I'm going to be thankful for what they've left me with. One pretty girl and a few mango margaritas is more than they left me with yesterday. Lest anyone think that I'm going to completely roll over, I still want a damn slice of pizza. Given that I have more resources today than yesterday, I think I can make it happen. With or without the Pizza Gods help. Hell, I might even stop in for a mango margarita on my way to get pizza.
Ooh, there I go getting cocky again. Might be time to seek shelter before the Gods get pissy with me again. Yeah, yeah... I'm sure it's a sign. But I still want pizza, margaritas, and a pretty girl or two. Good Lord! Maybe the Pretty Girl Gods were in on it, too. Now that... That's a sign!
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