Sweet Discernment

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There came a time when I just had to stop. Stop worrying. Stop fussing. Stop crying. Stop whining. Above all, I had to stop wanting what didn't want me. It's an attractive mess. It is. I fully admit that. Hell, I spent the majority of my thirties living on its couch. If only this... If only that... She will see. She will. She'll get it. Eh... She, whoever 'she' was, never did.

I honestly thought my 'lesson' in this life was to learn patience. God sent these women my way to teach me how to wait. And one day, if I waited long enough, I'd get everything I ever wanted - someone to love me.

Yeah, that was never going to happen. It was all bullshit; a really cool kind of bullshit, but bullshit nonetheless.

You see, along the way I learned something even more important than patience. I learned about peace and faith. Once I found those, I stopped worrying about patience and discovered that I had everything I ever wanted - someone to love me. Of course, that 'person' had always been there. I just never noticed before. All this time, I thought He was testing me. He wasn't. He was leading my toward Him and, more importantly, toward myself.

Now, I'm a different person that I've ever been. I worry less, fuss less, and cry less. I'm content with what I have and seldom think about what doesn't want me. If they don't, that's on them. These days my patience comes from faith rather than from collected bread crumbs. It's truly just a matter of discernment and where I choose to place my focus.

Let me tell you, it makes life a hell of a lot easier. The less I try, the more I get. Sweet. Discernment. Who knew?

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