For Now

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I'm here for now. Two years ago today I arrived in Austin. I hoped for the best and forgot to plan for the worst. Hindsight says I'll be better prepared for my next move. Thinking back on the Hell I went through, it's amazing that I'm still here. And by 'here', I mean 'alive' not merely 'in Austin'. It's no secret that I didn't cope well with leaving my entire world behind. Truthfully, it was more difficult than I ever imagined. And yet, I'd do it all again. And probably will.

I can't say I'll do it again soon, but I am growing restless and restless is never a good sign. I like Austin better than when I first got here, however 'liking' a place has never been a prerequisite for staying. I've 'liked' most of the places I've lived. It just never meant that I wanted to stay indefinitely. I can't imagine ever calling some place 'home' and wanting to stay there 'forever'. You see, I've got this gypsy soul and every once in awhile it gets bored or anxious or restless. At that point, I have to appease it by at least thinking about moving on. I don't have to move right away, but eventually thought turns to action and I start packing.

I'm not going to lie, my most recent  move sucked. My fatal error was that I thought I was stronger than I really was. Now, a near break-down and months of perspective later, I'm stronger and smarter. It's amazing what you can learn when scraping yourself off the bottom of the barrel. My lessons is no particular order...
  • Home lies firmly within my soul. No matter where I go, it will always be there.
  • I am never alone. No matter where I go, God tags along.
  • Build a cocoon and crawl inside. When physically alone, embrace the time and just BE.
  • Have faith that the 'blind curve' will come eventually and be ready to enjoy it when it does.
  • Cultivate friendships. Talk. Ask. Don't be shy. Friends don't necessarily happen by accident.
I think I'm ready for my next move. Whenever it happens. I'm not really in a rush. I'm enjoying things here. For now. I just don't hold out much hope that I'll stay for an extended period of time.  I stayed in Muskegon, Michigan for nine years and Texarkana, USA for six and a half. I fully expect that trend to continue. Right now I'm looking at Divinity Schools, particularly one in the North East. Strange because I've long said I'd never do snow and cold again. Ah well... The beauty of me and my gypsy soul is that we never do anything for long anyway. No matter how good or crappy it is, I know I'll get the itch to move on soon enough.

In any case, there's no reason for anyone to panic yet. I'm in Austin and plan to save some money before I go too far. In addition, I'm trying to talk my mom into moving to here. If that happens, I'll stay indefinitely. It's about the only thing that will keep me from bugging out sooner than later. Yes, Mom being here would keep here. Otherwise, there's just no telling. The best I will say is that I'm here. For now.

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