For Now

-
I'm here for now. Two years ago today I arrived in Austin. I hoped for the best and forgot to plan for the worst. Hindsight says I'll be better prepared for my next move. Thinking back on the Hell I went through, it's amazing that I'm still here. And by 'here', I mean 'alive' not merely 'in Austin'. It's no secret that I didn't cope well with leaving my entire world behind. Truthfully, it was more difficult than I ever imagined. And yet, I'd do it all again. And probably will.

I can't say I'll do it again soon, but I am growing restless and restless is never a good sign. I like Austin better than when I first got here, however 'liking' a place has never been a prerequisite for staying. I've 'liked' most of the places I've lived. It just never meant that I wanted to stay indefinitely. I can't imagine ever calling some place 'home' and wanting to stay there 'forever'. You see, I've got this gypsy soul and every once in awhile it gets bored or anxious or restless. At that point, I have to appease it by at least thinking about moving on. I don't have to move right away, but eventually thought turns to action and I start packing.

I'm not going to lie, my most recent  move sucked. My fatal error was that I thought I was stronger than I really was. Now, a near break-down and months of perspective later, I'm stronger and smarter. It's amazing what you can learn when scraping yourself off the bottom of the barrel. My lessons is no particular order...
  • Home lies firmly within my soul. No matter where I go, it will always be there.
  • I am never alone. No matter where I go, God tags along.
  • Build a cocoon and crawl inside. When physically alone, embrace the time and just BE.
  • Have faith that the 'blind curve' will come eventually and be ready to enjoy it when it does.
  • Cultivate friendships. Talk. Ask. Don't be shy. Friends don't necessarily happen by accident.
I think I'm ready for my next move. Whenever it happens. I'm not really in a rush. I'm enjoying things here. For now. I just don't hold out much hope that I'll stay for an extended period of time.  I stayed in Muskegon, Michigan for nine years and Texarkana, USA for six and a half. I fully expect that trend to continue. Right now I'm looking at Divinity Schools, particularly one in the North East. Strange because I've long said I'd never do snow and cold again. Ah well... The beauty of me and my gypsy soul is that we never do anything for long anyway. No matter how good or crappy it is, I know I'll get the itch to move on soon enough.

In any case, there's no reason for anyone to panic yet. I'm in Austin and plan to save some money before I go too far. In addition, I'm trying to talk my mom into moving to here. If that happens, I'll stay indefinitely. It's about the only thing that will keep me from bugging out sooner than later. Yes, Mom being here would keep here. Otherwise, there's just no telling. The best I will say is that I'm here. For now.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Biggest Fan

-
It comes for all of us. If we're lucky. Right now, I'm not sure I feel lucky, but I know in the days, weeks, months, and years to come, I will come to realize that I am. Or I was. My parents are elderly, eighty-four and ninety-two. From where I'm sitting at the moment - my mother's hospital room - it's doubtful that my mom will reach tomorrow, much less eighty-five, So here I sit. And write...while  my biggest fan lays a few feet away snoring like a freight train. Her snores mean she's still alive so rather than drowning them out with music, I listen, Intently. Because each one could be her last. It's the drugs - her pain was pretty severe - making her sleep so soundly. These same drugs, the ones that keep the pain at bay, may also hasten her death. Her decision. She's been kicking cancer's a** for the past seven years. My mom's no sissy; she can endure. But this isn't the cancer, the known quantity. This is an aneurysm, a ticking time bomb
Read more

Be That Person

-
 A friend texted me last night. Her almost twelve year old son is starting middle school today and she was more than a little stressed. I guess it's somewhat normal for parents to be nervous about such milestones in their children's lives. I mean sixth grade means a bigger school, perhaps switching classrooms, more complex homework assignments, etc, etc. I'm sure there's also some wistfulness about the whole thing. The "My baby's growing up" kinda thing. My friend's concerns last night (and again this morning) were far larger. You see, her son is different. He always has been. Not only is he on "the spectrum," he also has Tourettte's. And he's on the fringes of non-binary. Plus, he lives on the border of Texas and Arkansas in a place that is far from open-minded and falls just below marginally accepting. This is the land of conservative politics (ie Trump), gun rights, big religion, and the concomitant "family values" that i
Read more

A Little Unsteady

-
"Hold onto me...cuz I'm a little unsteady..." It's the first song that popped up on Pandora tonight. Kismet? Serendipity? I don't know. I had another opening line all picked out (and I'm sure I'll get to it in a bit), but sometimes...sometimes the Universe has other plans. Other ideas. Other directions. And often it's right. Absolutely, perfect right. Like tonight...today...all of it... I was unsteady. I am unsteady. For the first time nearly five years. Five years . This, of course, isn't a lying, narcissistic girlfriend or a bad break up of any kind. And for that I am thankful (Not that I couldn't use a nifty stint on the Break Up Diet). In many ways, it's something worse. Much, much worse. I'm being pulled in two directions, veritably (though not literally...physically speaking anyway) torn in two. It's not news that I'm moving to Las Vegas next month. In fact, I leave one month from today with the first load of my life.
Read more