Writing Tonight
I sat down to write tonight. Thus far I've written ten words. It's not like I've been staring into space for two hours. I've had one really large rum drink, burned the roof of my mouth on a Totino's party pizza, talked to a friend on the phone, chatted with another via Facebook message, taken the dogs to potty, played a couple words on Words With Friends, and responded to various comments on Facebook. I have no idea what I intended to write about tonight. Honesty? Keeping promises? I'm big on both these days. More fiction? I'm working on a story about an attempted suicide. Another chapter of my novel? I actually thought about it on my way to work.
So, I poured a really large rum drink and fired up the computer. Before I knew it I was a couple sheets from being a couple sheets. In all honesty, I'm better this way. Less lonely. I hate that the rum fills the void, but something has to. I hate being alone and I find myself alone a lot, for the first time in a long time. Not so strangely, I wanted to write. It's what I do so it's what I set out to do. I gathered up my rum from a friend's house, mixed it with a little stale Diet Coke, and sat down.
Nothing came to me. I'm restricted these days. I can't write about this or that. I guess I could but I promised I wouldn't post it. Funny thing about me and my sanity - I write and I post. It's what I do because it's what I've always done. For whatever reason, writing makes it ok and posting makes it better. I like to share my life, my thoughts, my goals, my dreams, my craziness. I'm told time and time again that my words speak. In fact, I was just told that again yesterday. So for me to hold back hurts me and others.
That's why I'm writing this tonight - a blog about nothing. Nothing at all. Because writing keeps my company regardless of the topic. Being with my words is far better than being alone. I don't know how to be alone anymore. I'm starting counseling soon to help with that. In the meantime, though, I'll write even if it's about nothing.
So sorry about that.
So, I poured a really large rum drink and fired up the computer. Before I knew it I was a couple sheets from being a couple sheets. In all honesty, I'm better this way. Less lonely. I hate that the rum fills the void, but something has to. I hate being alone and I find myself alone a lot, for the first time in a long time. Not so strangely, I wanted to write. It's what I do so it's what I set out to do. I gathered up my rum from a friend's house, mixed it with a little stale Diet Coke, and sat down.
Nothing came to me. I'm restricted these days. I can't write about this or that. I guess I could but I promised I wouldn't post it. Funny thing about me and my sanity - I write and I post. It's what I do because it's what I've always done. For whatever reason, writing makes it ok and posting makes it better. I like to share my life, my thoughts, my goals, my dreams, my craziness. I'm told time and time again that my words speak. In fact, I was just told that again yesterday. So for me to hold back hurts me and others.
That's why I'm writing this tonight - a blog about nothing. Nothing at all. Because writing keeps my company regardless of the topic. Being with my words is far better than being alone. I don't know how to be alone anymore. I'm starting counseling soon to help with that. In the meantime, though, I'll write even if it's about nothing.
So sorry about that.
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