They Say

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We started and ended with a text message. 'Why do we miss each other?' That one was from her to me just about a year ago. 'Can't wait to hold you' was the one that ended us. Why? Seems delightfully romantic. Well, unfortunately it was to her but not from me. That was one day shy of a month ago and the day the truth started getting murky. Soon the truth all but disappeared and now we are no more.

They say. They say. They say. My friends. They mean well. They hate seeing me like this. They say words like lies and manipulation. I say words like I, love, and her.

I can't tell you why I still do. Maybe I'm clinging too tightly to a used to be or a fantasy. I really don't know. What I do know is that she loved me better and made me feel more beautiful than anyone ever had. Maybe I'm letting that color my judgment. Still, I have a hard time thinking of her the way they do. I guess that's because I know her, I love her, and I think she still loves me.

Maybe I should have just chilled out, let it run it's course. If I'd kept my mouth shut and not asked so many questions, she might still be here and he, whoever he is, would have faded to black weeks ago. I could have taken the high road and loved her so perfectly she would have chosen me.

But I couldn't. And she didn't. The gray area grew and consumed me. I needed to know the truth, begged for it, in fact. She was telling me the truth, she said, and if I loved her I would believe her. She offered no proof of her innocence, said she didn't need to. I should trust her. I did trust her, right up until that day about a month ago. As the days went by and 2 + 2 started equaling anything but 4, I lost all faith. I merely wanted something proof positive from her. She refused to give it to me.

Finally I asked one too many questions and she was gone. I still don't know the truth. My friends say I do. They say. They say. They say. I say maybe she is telling the truth. They say her truth is too outlandish to be true.

I want to go back to a day about a month ago when I loved her and she loved me. In truth, I want to go back a little farther, love her better, make her happier. Maybe if I could do that no one else would have wanted to hold her and she wouldn't want to hold someone else. I don't know. The reality is she's gone and I'm left wondering if I was insecure or right. My friends, they say I'm right, there is no other way to explain it. I need to move on, get past her, she's no good for me. Maybe one day I'll believe all that. Maybe one day.

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