Sunflowers and Peaches, Sh** and Shinola

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If you saw the world through my eyes you would see sunflowers, a tattered American flag, a bowl of Fredericksburg peaches, and the good in people. It's not a bad view, if a little lonely of late. I'm fond of saying "It is what it is". I guess I have the power to change "what is", but some things require more than just me. Some changes are out of my control. For example, I want my old life back. Ain't gonna happen. I can hope, pray, stab a voodoo doll, burn incense, and splash around a little holy water, but my old life is going to stay right where it is - in the past.

My friends are fond of placating me with statements like "you'll find a better life" and "you'll find a better wife". I'm tired of placations (if that's even a word). I'm tired of trying to make the best of "it". I'm tired of wishing things were different. I'm tired of taking 50mg of the Anti-Everything Pills. I'm tired of not liking food. I'm of writing because I don't know what else to do with myself. I'm tired of going to bed half-drunk every night. I'm tired of change that has been foisted upon me. Above all, I think I'm just plain tired of being tired. Life just takes too damn much effort  these days.

I'd really like to exact some change of my own choosing. Unfortunately, most of the time I'm just too tired to do what needs doing. Move? Too much effort. Get a new job. Too much stress. This here? Yeah, this is my fault. Some day, though, I'll regain my energy and make some changes. I'll find a new life and I'll find a new wife (Please don't hold your breath on the new wife part) and be happy again.

In the meantime, when I look around me I still see sunflowers and peaches. I could actually see shit and shinola, but for some reason I don't. It's perspective, I guess. I choose to see the good, not the bad. I think that makes me tired, too. Seeing the good in a shitty section of life? It's beyond fucking exhausting. Trust me. I wish I could be one of those negative people. You know the ones who see the worst in people, hate life, and cut you off in traffic? They have it easy. Life gives them shit and they rejoice. Life gives them sunflowers and peaches and they piss on them. Man, that's gotta be an easier life.

Sadly, that's not me. No matter what life gives me, I try to find my way to the positive. Even if I nearly die of exhaustion on the way.

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