A Year Since

I'm three days from a year since. I feel like I should know what to say. I'm a writer. I know a lot of words, a lot of good words. Yet none of them feel right. For the last week or so, I've been thinking and wondering. A lot. Not all the time. Often. And still I have no idea.

A year ago I had an idea. I did. Maybe it was just an inkling, but it was there. My world, my life, my essence were about to change. Somewhere deep inside I knew this. I didn't fear it. I accepted it. It, whatever "it" was, was on the way. I was happy, happier than I'd been in a long time. "It" was not shadow. "It" was light. "It" was good. "It" was going to change everything and "it" was going to be okay.

I saw her a year ago. It was a Wednesday. In three days "it" would all begin. If asked then, on that Wednesday, I would have said she was "it". Her. She was going to change everything. It turns out she wasn't "it". She may have started "it", but "it" was more about me than "it" ever was about her.

Now, almost a year since, it's still more about me. In fact, it's all about me. And faith. And grace. And hope. And what I found hiding in my soul.