The Clarinet Solo
They say it's like riding a bike. You learn and you never forget. Yeah well, I'm not so sure. I'm confident. I am. I swear. With most things. Just apparently not this. You see, this seems like way more than riding a bike. I truly feel like I've been asked to play a clarinet solo at the next Austin Symphony concert. For the record, I don't play clarinet. Not since roughly 1983, in any case. I'm thinking I could probably get it out of the case and put together, but as for making anything that remotely sounds like music? Yeah, no. Not a fucking chance in Hell.
I played the clarinet in middle school. I wanted to play the drums. I'd always wanted to play the drums, like since I was about four years old. However, when it came time to choose an instrument for Fifth Grade band, I was told, by my usually progressive mother, that girls don't play the drums. I think she thought it might turn me into a lesbian or something (Good call, Mom. That worked out real well for you, didn't it?), so I was asked to choose a different instrument. I considered trumpet or saxophone, but since only boys played those too and only prissy girls played flute (though I really think I might be straight today if I'd played flute), I finally decided on the clarinet.
I never liked it much. I didn't take lessons and I never practiced. I liked my band teachers and I needed electives to graduate middle school. Because I sucked at art and refused to take Home Ec (if only I had, I might be straight today), band was the only viable alternative. Most of the kids I was in band with planned to become "band geeks" when they got to high school. I was an athlete. At my high school, you could do band or sports. I chose sports and stopped with the clarinet all together at the end of eighth grade. It's a shame too, they said. I was actually pretty good. In fact, I rose up to fifth chair (out of probably 20 clarinets) in the Advanced Band my eighth grade year. About that time, I switched to contrabass clarinet. I wanted out of the dog-eat-dog competitive world of chair competitions and tougher and tougher compositions. Contrabass was fun. There was only one other girl who played it (Lenore Van Vranken, who is now one of my Facebook friends) and we got to use amplifiers. It was way cool. Well, as cool as band could be to a non-band geek.
So, back to my analogy... I feel like I'm picking up my old clarinet (which I sold for $20 a few years back) and trying to play again after 26 years. I have no idea where to begin. The only certainty is that no matter how good I may have once been (a fact that is up for debate), I'm going to suck like a Dyson pet vac (or gay frat boy) this go-round. It's not going to be pretty or enjoyable for anyone involved. I so wish it was like riding a bike. I'm pretty sure I can still do that with some skill and ability. Of course, it's only been maybe ten years since I rode a bike. Probably why it's not the best analogy.
This being out of practice is rough, especially since I like being good at the things that are important to me. Most things I suck at I simply don't do, like golf and charades. The problem here is that I can't not do this. Well, I guess I could not do it, but I really, really, really want to. So, I suppose my only choice is to suck my way through as best I can and hope for the best. Maybe it will all come rushing back to me. Maybe I'll find that I don't suck as bad as I think I do. I mean once upon a time I won fifth chair without even practicing. Never know. It could happen.
I played the clarinet in middle school. I wanted to play the drums. I'd always wanted to play the drums, like since I was about four years old. However, when it came time to choose an instrument for Fifth Grade band, I was told, by my usually progressive mother, that girls don't play the drums. I think she thought it might turn me into a lesbian or something (Good call, Mom. That worked out real well for you, didn't it?), so I was asked to choose a different instrument. I considered trumpet or saxophone, but since only boys played those too and only prissy girls played flute (though I really think I might be straight today if I'd played flute), I finally decided on the clarinet.
I never liked it much. I didn't take lessons and I never practiced. I liked my band teachers and I needed electives to graduate middle school. Because I sucked at art and refused to take Home Ec (if only I had, I might be straight today), band was the only viable alternative. Most of the kids I was in band with planned to become "band geeks" when they got to high school. I was an athlete. At my high school, you could do band or sports. I chose sports and stopped with the clarinet all together at the end of eighth grade. It's a shame too, they said. I was actually pretty good. In fact, I rose up to fifth chair (out of probably 20 clarinets) in the Advanced Band my eighth grade year. About that time, I switched to contrabass clarinet. I wanted out of the dog-eat-dog competitive world of chair competitions and tougher and tougher compositions. Contrabass was fun. There was only one other girl who played it (Lenore Van Vranken, who is now one of my Facebook friends) and we got to use amplifiers. It was way cool. Well, as cool as band could be to a non-band geek.
So, back to my analogy... I feel like I'm picking up my old clarinet (which I sold for $20 a few years back) and trying to play again after 26 years. I have no idea where to begin. The only certainty is that no matter how good I may have once been (a fact that is up for debate), I'm going to suck like a Dyson pet vac (or gay frat boy) this go-round. It's not going to be pretty or enjoyable for anyone involved. I so wish it was like riding a bike. I'm pretty sure I can still do that with some skill and ability. Of course, it's only been maybe ten years since I rode a bike. Probably why it's not the best analogy.
This being out of practice is rough, especially since I like being good at the things that are important to me. Most things I suck at I simply don't do, like golf and charades. The problem here is that I can't not do this. Well, I guess I could not do it, but I really, really, really want to. So, I suppose my only choice is to suck my way through as best I can and hope for the best. Maybe it will all come rushing back to me. Maybe I'll find that I don't suck as bad as I think I do. I mean once upon a time I won fifth chair without even practicing. Never know. It could happen.
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