Love, Hate, Faith, and One Small Miracle
A friend sent me a quote last night that has me thinking. "When you love me, love me for me so that when you hate me, it's clear why". The close relationship between love and hate has long fascinated me. They are both hard-charging, intense emotions that happen to live right next door to each other. Oh, and there's no fence between the yards. Not even one of those electric doggy shock collar ones. No, Love and Hate are free to mingle. They may stay mostly on the right side of the property line, but every now and again one or the other (usually Hate) decides to go a little left and trespass. Where once there was Love, now there is Hate.
I wrote a blog years ago about this very same issue. It was called, "Hate Me Yet?". In it I discussed how each and every one of my girlfriends had grown to hate me. How do I know this? Easy. Them screaming, "I hate you, Stacee Harris", at the top of their lungs was kind of a clue, don't you think? Did they hate me or the situation? Maybe both, I'm not really sure. And frankly I don't care. What I do know, in light of the quote sent to me last night, is that more than likely they didn't love me for me, otherwise they wouldn't have had cause to hate me as they did. I would argue (and I can given that it's my blog) that they loved the person they wanted me to be, then when I, the real ME, fell short, hatred set in.
I don't mind that they ended up hating me. I couldn't possibly care less. What's done is done. And several of them have wanted me back (well, not the real ME... the me they want me to be, I'm pretty sure). I just wish they'd have hated me for something real; for something I could have fought against. None of them did. They hated me for bullshit. In truth, it was mostly my response to their bullshit that they hated. They expected me to react a certain way and I didn't. For example one ex-girlfriend kicked me out of the house we were sharing with HER BOYFRIEND because my girlfriend came over to hang out. She told me my girlfriend wasn't allowed over. I told her that was unfair. She decided she hated me that day. Hmm... Me or the situation, Sweetheart? Me or the fact that I was into someone who wasn't you? Begged the question for me. I don't think it did for her. She was content to hate the me she wanted me to be. And she did. For awhile.
The next time someone thinks about hating me, which I always feel is inevitable in every loving relationship, I'd like them to try hating the real me. Of course, if someone took the time to get to know and understand that me, the real me... I mean, if someone actually fell in love with ME, I'm not so certain they'd ever end up hating me. I'm not saying that I don't have any character flaws. I do. Plenty, actually. Just nothing that should inspire hatred. I'm impeccably good and honest. Maybe it's rough basking in the reflection of that. Maybe when they shout "I hate you" at me, what they are really saying is "I hate me". I never thought of that before. I know I wasn't always right, but I was usually far closer to right than left. I can't say as much for them.
I guess not everyone can be as confident as me that hatred is unfounded. So, yes... Love me for me. Hate me for me. It all kind of goes together. I can understand. After all, I want to be loved for who I am, not for who they want me to be. So I supposed I'd also like to be hated for who I really am, rather than for who they think I am. For once, though, I'd like to love and be loved and not hear the words, "I hate you, Stacee Harris", as they run off into the sunset. That said, I'm not going to hold my breath. Hate is easy. Love takes courage. It'll take someone strong and self-assured to make good on that one. Fortunately, I have faith. If only I believed in miracles.
I wrote a blog years ago about this very same issue. It was called, "Hate Me Yet?". In it I discussed how each and every one of my girlfriends had grown to hate me. How do I know this? Easy. Them screaming, "I hate you, Stacee Harris", at the top of their lungs was kind of a clue, don't you think? Did they hate me or the situation? Maybe both, I'm not really sure. And frankly I don't care. What I do know, in light of the quote sent to me last night, is that more than likely they didn't love me for me, otherwise they wouldn't have had cause to hate me as they did. I would argue (and I can given that it's my blog) that they loved the person they wanted me to be, then when I, the real ME, fell short, hatred set in.
I don't mind that they ended up hating me. I couldn't possibly care less. What's done is done. And several of them have wanted me back (well, not the real ME... the me they want me to be, I'm pretty sure). I just wish they'd have hated me for something real; for something I could have fought against. None of them did. They hated me for bullshit. In truth, it was mostly my response to their bullshit that they hated. They expected me to react a certain way and I didn't. For example one ex-girlfriend kicked me out of the house we were sharing with HER BOYFRIEND because my girlfriend came over to hang out. She told me my girlfriend wasn't allowed over. I told her that was unfair. She decided she hated me that day. Hmm... Me or the situation, Sweetheart? Me or the fact that I was into someone who wasn't you? Begged the question for me. I don't think it did for her. She was content to hate the me she wanted me to be. And she did. For awhile.
The next time someone thinks about hating me, which I always feel is inevitable in every loving relationship, I'd like them to try hating the real me. Of course, if someone took the time to get to know and understand that me, the real me... I mean, if someone actually fell in love with ME, I'm not so certain they'd ever end up hating me. I'm not saying that I don't have any character flaws. I do. Plenty, actually. Just nothing that should inspire hatred. I'm impeccably good and honest. Maybe it's rough basking in the reflection of that. Maybe when they shout "I hate you" at me, what they are really saying is "I hate me". I never thought of that before. I know I wasn't always right, but I was usually far closer to right than left. I can't say as much for them.
I guess not everyone can be as confident as me that hatred is unfounded. So, yes... Love me for me. Hate me for me. It all kind of goes together. I can understand. After all, I want to be loved for who I am, not for who they want me to be. So I supposed I'd also like to be hated for who I really am, rather than for who they think I am. For once, though, I'd like to love and be loved and not hear the words, "I hate you, Stacee Harris", as they run off into the sunset. That said, I'm not going to hold my breath. Hate is easy. Love takes courage. It'll take someone strong and self-assured to make good on that one. Fortunately, I have faith. If only I believed in miracles.
Comments
Post a Comment