Where She Stood

I'm going to tell you the best part about "dating" straight women. I've dated lesbians and straight women both. I tend to talk more about the straight girls. I think they excedingly intriguing and thought-provoking. Plus who really wants to hear about the girl who looked way much like my sister or the girl who cheated on me twice with her best friend? Of course there were a few who stradled the murky line between gay and straight nicely. They said they were gay when we met, but went back the other way shortly before we broke up. I'm not sure how to reference them. They had girlfriends (and boyfriends) before me, but assured me that they would never ever, ever, ever, ever be with a man again. One of the ones I'm thinking of was incredibly hot, beautiful, and had a rockin' jump shot so I didn't care much at the time. Eight months later, I cared. A lot. Now, nearly seven years later, I wonder how she and her husband with the hairy back are faring.

But I digress... That's right... The best part about dating straight women... I haven't forgotten. With a little help from Missy Higgins, "Where I Stood".

"'Cause I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
Cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood"

The best part is her. And I guess me, too. Because she has to deal with watching someone love me more than she could. If only she'd had the courage. Because I know no one will ever love her (certainly not the guy with the hairy back) like I could. Could. Could. Like I did. Because I did love her. And she left. They left. Let's say that correctly. I loved them and they left. For someone who was not and never will be me. That's on them. They will never love or be loved like they did in the moments they were with me. As for me, I will love and be loved. And she will love me more than they ever could.

"I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run"

Something told them to run? Yes, it did. I am not bitter, nor vengeful. And for the record, they were not as torn inside. If they were, they'd still be here. My heart only let them go because it HAD to. Theirs let go because they WANTED it to. Close only counts in horse-shoes and hand-grenades. And that's not even close. They knew what they were starting. They knew.

"See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside"

I always hoped that she was torn. They. I mean they. That they were torn. I always hoped that they were torn. Because I was. Into a zillion, million pieces. Well, at least my heart was. It seemed so easy for them. They moved on and I was left behind. In the end, though, I'm fairly certain that I won. They are still stuck in some archaic notion of right and wrong, married to a hairy backed bastard who will never love them. Like I could. All I know is that someday, the female golf pro at the local country club is going to fuck my ex-girlfriend. Maybe she'll think of me. Maybe she won't. It's all good. Because I know she knows.

And that's the best part about "dating" straight women. She knows and I know. And what's more, her hairy backed husband sucks at oral sex. And what's even more, I can have a hot lesbian girlfriend who doesn't. And, and, and... who is not afraid to stand where she stood.