One More On Being Single
Being single is equal parts my choice and equal parts my fault. I truly believe that these two are inextricably linked, like conjoined twins who share one too many critical organs. The choice not to date comes from my failings and my failings come from my choice. It's an and/or proposition that keeps me consistently content and single at the same time. This does make me some kind of freak of nature (I have many qualities that put me in this category, unfortunately) and unintelligible to most people.
The fact is that human society has convinced itself that, like wolves and geese, that 'we' are intended to mate for life. I see the whole marriage partnering initiative to have been a necessary adaptation from the Stone Age until just a few years ago when women realized they could actually be free and independent creatures who could own handguns and make their own money. Such cultural advances make men unnecessary in the lives of women. Classically, men were for protection and work. Women in the twenty-first century developed world can do just about anything a man can do thus negating the need for partnering and/or marriage.
Additionally, the socio-cultural mores have changed such that 'marriage' is not required for procreation. I might even be tempted to argue (after a margarita or two) that children are better raised by a single parent or a village than by a married, divorced, remarried, divorced couple or by an unhappily married couple. And given the world's overpopulation and the ever increasing carbon footprint, procreation should be minimized anyway. What with Kate Plus Eight, the Octo-Mom, and the creepy couple in Arkansas with twenty-plus children, a few of us can afford to skip it without a noticeable dip in the census.
All things considered, I don't get it. Which is why I choose to be single AND why I fail miserable at dating. I, for one, need to believe at least a little of the bullshit PR before I buy into anything enough to care about being successful. Not getting the point is far from a good start. In other words, society has a lot of convincing to do about the benefits of partnership before I even take the first step towards dating. If the purpose behind dating is to find a partner, to 'mate for life' so to speak, then it seems self-evident that if I don't want a partner, I probably shouldn't date. If I am to refrain from being disingenuous, I mean.
Ultimately, I suck at dating because I just don't want to do it. This, of course, is why I'm single. I don't get it and I sincerely don't think I'm missing anything in the long run. It's like golf, knitting, auto mechanics, and cake decorating. I suck at all of them because I have no interest in doing them. Practice makes perfect, but first you have to want to practice. This is why I'm a halfway decent writer, runner, and tennis player. I like them enough to do them more than occasionally and/or upon pain of death. Add to that my ardent desire to never do things I suck at and we've got quite the conundrum. Regardless which came first - my sucking or my dislike - the result is eternally the same. I don't do what I'm not good at and I'm not good at what I don't do. A vicious circle perhaps, but there is so much else out there I'm good at and I enjoy that I'm not going to worry too much about it.
Sure, I've dated a few cool people in the past, but at this point I'm so happy we broke up when we did. I simply can't see myself sharing my life with any of them. Hell, I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone. I'm good as is. Better than, if I'm telling the whole truth. So yes, being single is my choice and my fault. It took me a long time to realize that it's ok to want something different than most people. Weird truly is in the eye of the beholder. I'm weird to them; they're weird to me. And we'll all live happily ever after. Well, at least I will.
The fact is that human society has convinced itself that, like wolves and geese, that 'we' are intended to mate for life. I see the whole marriage partnering initiative to have been a necessary adaptation from the Stone Age until just a few years ago when women realized they could actually be free and independent creatures who could own handguns and make their own money. Such cultural advances make men unnecessary in the lives of women. Classically, men were for protection and work. Women in the twenty-first century developed world can do just about anything a man can do thus negating the need for partnering and/or marriage.
Additionally, the socio-cultural mores have changed such that 'marriage' is not required for procreation. I might even be tempted to argue (after a margarita or two) that children are better raised by a single parent or a village than by a married, divorced, remarried, divorced couple or by an unhappily married couple. And given the world's overpopulation and the ever increasing carbon footprint, procreation should be minimized anyway. What with Kate Plus Eight, the Octo-Mom, and the creepy couple in Arkansas with twenty-plus children, a few of us can afford to skip it without a noticeable dip in the census.
All things considered, I don't get it. Which is why I choose to be single AND why I fail miserable at dating. I, for one, need to believe at least a little of the bullshit PR before I buy into anything enough to care about being successful. Not getting the point is far from a good start. In other words, society has a lot of convincing to do about the benefits of partnership before I even take the first step towards dating. If the purpose behind dating is to find a partner, to 'mate for life' so to speak, then it seems self-evident that if I don't want a partner, I probably shouldn't date. If I am to refrain from being disingenuous, I mean.
Ultimately, I suck at dating because I just don't want to do it. This, of course, is why I'm single. I don't get it and I sincerely don't think I'm missing anything in the long run. It's like golf, knitting, auto mechanics, and cake decorating. I suck at all of them because I have no interest in doing them. Practice makes perfect, but first you have to want to practice. This is why I'm a halfway decent writer, runner, and tennis player. I like them enough to do them more than occasionally and/or upon pain of death. Add to that my ardent desire to never do things I suck at and we've got quite the conundrum. Regardless which came first - my sucking or my dislike - the result is eternally the same. I don't do what I'm not good at and I'm not good at what I don't do. A vicious circle perhaps, but there is so much else out there I'm good at and I enjoy that I'm not going to worry too much about it.
Sure, I've dated a few cool people in the past, but at this point I'm so happy we broke up when we did. I simply can't see myself sharing my life with any of them. Hell, I can't imagine sharing my life with anyone. I'm good as is. Better than, if I'm telling the whole truth. So yes, being single is my choice and my fault. It took me a long time to realize that it's ok to want something different than most people. Weird truly is in the eye of the beholder. I'm weird to them; they're weird to me. And we'll all live happily ever after. Well, at least I will.
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