Not Quite a Scratch

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Mere hours after writing my last posting ('Adding To Instead of Scratching Off"), I was presented with an opportunity. At least I think it was an opportunity. It had all the makings of an opportunity; and at the time I was pretty sure it was indeed an opportunity. Looking back, I'm not sure if it was the fog of rum and Jagermeister or an actual honest-to-goodness opportunity. And somehow that glimmer of 'maybe' kept me from trying anything I might regret later if in fact it was NOT an opportunity. That's not to say I didn't want to because I most certainly did. I've been waiting for this kind opportunity for awhile and I'm determined that one day it'll happen.

It's just that something about last night wasn't right. Not that it was wrong. Or would have been wrong, However, this one's different, special in a way. Spiritual. Yes, potentially spiritual. Maybe I'm reading too much in or hoping for too much and maybe I should just jump in and take the near opportunities as they present themselves. Yet, I hold back and wait. I don't want sloppy, messy, or accidental. I want slow, sweet, and purposeful. As much as I'd like to scratch someone off my Bucket List, I won't do it all willy-nilly and unsure. Especially not her.

Last night, I could have taken the opportunity and right now I could be writing about scratching someone off the Bucket List rather than explaining away a near miss. However, the people on the Bucket List aren't to be taken lightly and I will not run-and-gun anyone on the list. The word that comes to mind is 'savor'. Yes, I want to savor them and the moment. After all, it may not be simply a 'first', but it could very well be an 'only'. That's not something to play with especially not with the fog of  'maybe' lingering in the air.

So, I'm telling myself that if God's intends this, it will happen when the moment is exactly right. Steadfast opportunity will knock and I will jump. Slowly and sweetly, of course. Partly because I don't know any other way and partly because it's what my spirit calls me to do. Until then, I'm content to wait it out. I'll scratch someone off the list soon enough.

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