Fuck-Nuts Need Not Apply

I wonder quite often why fuck-nuts get the girl. I can count on a couple hands the number of good women who are saddled with a girlfriend who is either dumb, crazy, or a combination of the two. Believe me, I know what it looks like. First hand. Because of this, I feel free to comment. I've dated my share that I never should have. I've endure their stupidity and their crazy. I've been taken for a ride and dumped when it became apparent that I wasn't as rich as they thought I was. I've worked, stressed, sweated, and freaked out. I've let myself be belittled and emotionally battered. In the end I was the dumb one and the crazy one. For dating them as long as I did. And for being so torn up when they left. Now I say 'what the fuck ever', but it's taken me awhile to get here. Experience has made me smarter and stronger.

I think at one point, I liked the idea of being needed. It was probably an ego thing because it can feel good to be needed. I'm  pretty sure that at the time I confused love and need. I thought that if they needed me, it meant that they loved me. I learned the hard way that this is most definitely not the case. Unfortunately to be needed, I had to partner up with someone who was needy. Funny I never saw the connection. Needy doesn't combine well with anything, especially not with someone who feels the need to be needed. Need + Needy = Bad News. I guess in some strange co-dependent way we were both needy. They needed stuff and I needed to be loved and needed. What I ultimately discovered was that they didn't love me, they loved what I could provide for them. Or if they loved me it was less for who was and more for what I had.

I spent my thirties letting myself get all kinds of sideways about women. Now as I progress through my forties, I'm smarter. I have a few very specific rules when it comes to women I choose to date (the stringency of which probably explains why I seldom date). In no order of importance because all are 'musts'...

• Must have a job (Even if she has a monster trust fund, there's something about someone who likes to work and goes to work every day that is appealing to me)
• Must own a car (Yes, I live in a city with a fairly decent rapid transportation system, but I won't date a bus rider. I don't want to end up driving everywhere. Before all is said and done, she will NEED me to take her places. Sorry, but reliable personal transportation is required).
• Must live independently (Roommates are ok. Parents are not. Unless she is caring for an elderly parent).
• Must prefer reducing debt to gaining debt (I won't ride that roller coaster again).
• Must love dogs (I have two and I will not ditch them for anyone).
• Must have goals, dreams, and/or hobbies.
• Must have friends.
• Must have a life that doesn't include me.
• Must be intensely spiritual.
• Must desire consistent physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual self-improvement.
• Must have been single for an extended period of time (one year or more).

Sadly, I think so many women arrive on the scene with 747 full of baggage. They want someone to save them, a hero to sweep them off their feet. I'm not here to be anyone's hero and I'm not going to carry anyone's baggage. I expect that they'll have dealt with their shit before they get to me. I'm not saying my potential partners must be perfect. That's far from the case. I'm attracted to strength. Strength deals. Strength grows a set. Strength is it's own hero. Strength has a realistic view of the self. Strength has a strong foundation. Strength has put in the work. Alone. And above all, strength doesn't need because it has all it needs within.

Could I be dating a needy fuck-nut right now? Definitely. All I'd have to do is increase my tolerance for bullshit and let myself fall into that same old trap. The problem is that I just don't find needy attractive anymore. Not in myself or others. I've grown. Thankfully, I no longer feel the need to be needed. Everything I need is right here inside of me. I have love and faith and trust. These days, in my world, that's plenty. That said, I'm always taking applications. Please see the list above. Anyone who can answer 'Yes' to each and every line item is welcome to email me (my email address is included on all of my blogging sites). Proof will, of course, be in the pudding. Be warned - My standards are high (funny, I was accused of that for years when they actually weren't) and I am far from magnanimous when I sense a load of crap coming my way. Believe me, I've seen it all and I have absolutely no desire to see it again. So yeah, fuck-nuts need not apply. I'm good as is - un-needy and alone.