Ugh, Eek, Oy, and The Joys of Being Single
I've been single a long time now. I have crushes and I go on a few dates, but it's been forever since I've really considered 'being' with anyone. I'm not commitment phobic nor am I afraid of getting my heart broken. I just never seem to find anyone interesting who is also interested me. I'm not going to apologize for it or cry about it. It is what it is. Occasionally I wish it was different, but I honestly like things the way they are. I enjoy my life as is and I'm not really sure what I'd be willing to give up to make time for a committed sort of relationship.
People love to tell me that it's all a rationalization. They say that I've been single too long and in order to maintain my sanity, I have to have some kind of 'viable' explanation. In other words, it's just easier to lie to myself and say that I really prefer being single. Of course the people saying this to me are never single. They're either serial daters or serial committers who can't quite understand why anyone would want to be single. In their thinking, no one likes being single. No one. Not even me. Whenever I talk about the joys of being single, they look at me with pitying eyes and cock their heads to one side or the other. Then they 'tsk' a moment, shake their heads, and give a me a condescending smile. I suppose we're even because I usually do the same thing when they talk about how miserable they are in their most recent poorly thought-out commitment decision.
The committed world and I are never going to see eye to eye. They want me to be involved and probably assume I wouldn't need the Anti-Everything Pills if I could just find the right woman. 'Stacee, why don't you let yourself love and be loved?' Ugh, really? Umm... Because I don't like dumb girls and all I ever find are dumb girls? I'd rather be alone than loved by a dumb girl? Oh, and I do love. I love awfully damn well. I simply haven't found anyone worthy of that love in a very long time. The committed world thinks I'm crazy. Again, I'm pretty sure we're even because I think they're crazy. And co-dependent and weak and fearful and an assortment of other negative adjectives.
In any case, I may have a date next week. I say 'may have' because I'm not sure if it's dinner or a date. I'm a bigger fan of 'dinner' in this case, but I don't know where she is with it. Of course, I did the asking which muddies the waters a hair. She asked me to lunch. I couldn't do lunch so I suggested dinner. Eek. What was I thinking? I'm pretty sure I was thinking 'dinner'. It wasn't until she said 'yes' that I realized the potential ramifications. Good Lord! What if she assumes it's a 'date'? Not only will I have to pay (and I'm broke), but she'll think it's a date with everything that goes along with going on a date. Oy. I really don't want this girl thinking it's a 'date' because if I'm going to date, it's going to be with someone I have a crush on. Otherwise, I'm not sure there's a point. Like I said, I like my life too much to give it up for just anyone.
Now if I had a crush on her, it'd be a whole different story. I'd go out with her and be hoping (maybe even praying) that it was a date. Unfortunately dating and crushes generally run on parallel paths in my world and seldom intersect. A date with someone I actually have a crush on? Ha! It would ROCK, but such a thing is rare, so rare it's probably still mooing. In my zillion years of dating it's happened twice. Twice. That's not good odds. Once I even got a second date. That's even worse odds.
It's probably good that I like being single'. Because I'm single a lot. Of course it has occurred to me that I may be single so much because I like being single so much. It's a bit of a vicious circle. That said, I'm happy. With me, my life, and my crushes. Oh, and my occasional dinner 'dates'. Ugh. Eek. Oy. How do I get myself in these messes?
People love to tell me that it's all a rationalization. They say that I've been single too long and in order to maintain my sanity, I have to have some kind of 'viable' explanation. In other words, it's just easier to lie to myself and say that I really prefer being single. Of course the people saying this to me are never single. They're either serial daters or serial committers who can't quite understand why anyone would want to be single. In their thinking, no one likes being single. No one. Not even me. Whenever I talk about the joys of being single, they look at me with pitying eyes and cock their heads to one side or the other. Then they 'tsk' a moment, shake their heads, and give a me a condescending smile. I suppose we're even because I usually do the same thing when they talk about how miserable they are in their most recent poorly thought-out commitment decision.
The committed world and I are never going to see eye to eye. They want me to be involved and probably assume I wouldn't need the Anti-Everything Pills if I could just find the right woman. 'Stacee, why don't you let yourself love and be loved?' Ugh, really? Umm... Because I don't like dumb girls and all I ever find are dumb girls? I'd rather be alone than loved by a dumb girl? Oh, and I do love. I love awfully damn well. I simply haven't found anyone worthy of that love in a very long time. The committed world thinks I'm crazy. Again, I'm pretty sure we're even because I think they're crazy. And co-dependent and weak and fearful and an assortment of other negative adjectives.
In any case, I may have a date next week. I say 'may have' because I'm not sure if it's dinner or a date. I'm a bigger fan of 'dinner' in this case, but I don't know where she is with it. Of course, I did the asking which muddies the waters a hair. She asked me to lunch. I couldn't do lunch so I suggested dinner. Eek. What was I thinking? I'm pretty sure I was thinking 'dinner'. It wasn't until she said 'yes' that I realized the potential ramifications. Good Lord! What if she assumes it's a 'date'? Not only will I have to pay (and I'm broke), but she'll think it's a date with everything that goes along with going on a date. Oy. I really don't want this girl thinking it's a 'date' because if I'm going to date, it's going to be with someone I have a crush on. Otherwise, I'm not sure there's a point. Like I said, I like my life too much to give it up for just anyone.
Now if I had a crush on her, it'd be a whole different story. I'd go out with her and be hoping (maybe even praying) that it was a date. Unfortunately dating and crushes generally run on parallel paths in my world and seldom intersect. A date with someone I actually have a crush on? Ha! It would ROCK, but such a thing is rare, so rare it's probably still mooing. In my zillion years of dating it's happened twice. Twice. That's not good odds. Once I even got a second date. That's even worse odds.
It's probably good that I like being single'. Because I'm single a lot. Of course it has occurred to me that I may be single so much because I like being single so much. It's a bit of a vicious circle. That said, I'm happy. With me, my life, and my crushes. Oh, and my occasional dinner 'dates'. Ugh. Eek. Oy. How do I get myself in these messes?
Comments
Post a Comment