Damn Self-Discipline
I feel like I'm beyond tired and it's not helping a thing. I want a drink. I should be at the gym. And I'm cooking dinner. Granted it's a reasonably healthy dinner, including a small serving of sugar snap peas, but I still feel like I'm not doing what I should be doing. I know I shouldn't be drinking and at this point I'm fighting the good fight on that front. I should be at the gym or, at the very least, I should be on the Spin bike. I keep telling myself that I'll walk after dinner, however while it's a decent enough activity, it's never going to get me where I want to go fitness wise. So, I'm right back to where I started - beyond tired.
In my defense, I've been running at a sprint for nearly two weeks. It all started at 5:30pm the Friday before my birthday and it was still going when I left work tonight at 5:00pm. In the meantime, I've worked, laid in the sun, drank, shot guns, worked on a friend's house, met a friend for dinner and margaritas, gone to Six Flags, hung out in San Antonio, went to the beach, worked out and worked out some more, ran, worked and worked some more. I'm tired. I'm not saying I'm too old for non-stop, but tired is tired and I need a break. So, before I fell flat on my face and my mood deteriorated even more, I decided to take the night off.
Off from what? The gym and anything else with purpose, it seems. I'm still craving a drink (I got a bottle of Sailor Jerry's Rum for my birthday that I haven't opened yet) and planning to walk instead. It used to work, walking instead of drinking, though I have little faith in the strength of my willpower at this point. Exhaustion tends to make me weaker than normal. And apparently want a drink even more. Old habits, I suppose. My goals are far less slovenly now (part of the reason why I'm so damn tired) and I hold myself to a higher standard. This, of course, precludes drinking during the week. Unless it's a special occasion. Monday was a special occasion (the anniversary of a friend's father's death). Unfortunately I can't quite seem to convince myself that 'weak willed exhaustion' is a special occasion. Self-discipline really bites in this case. Sure, it'll get me to my goals, but it provides a significant amount of frustration.
I don't think I'm unique when it comes to this. Frustration and exhaustion never seem to combine into anything productive. They make me pissy which is far from my preferred state. I'd almost rather rub salt in an open wound (two other things that don't combine well) and be done with it. In that case, once the sting subsides you're ok. Frustration and exhaustion tend to stick around a lot longer - at least until you take a guilt-ridden evening off and/or get a good night's sleep. And that's exactly where I am. I guess we can add 'guilty' to my list of complaints. I am currently frustrated, exhausted, and guilty. Groovy.
I know I'm 'allowed' to take a night off every now and again, but I still feel like I should go for a walk. By that I don't mean a walk to the convenience store to get diet root beer to mix with the Sailor Jerry's. Ok, maybe I'll take a short one down the trail and back. I'll still feel guilty, just not as guilty as if I had a drink instead. I know I've made the right choices - night off, walk instead of drink. But still... Damn self-discipline.
In my defense, I've been running at a sprint for nearly two weeks. It all started at 5:30pm the Friday before my birthday and it was still going when I left work tonight at 5:00pm. In the meantime, I've worked, laid in the sun, drank, shot guns, worked on a friend's house, met a friend for dinner and margaritas, gone to Six Flags, hung out in San Antonio, went to the beach, worked out and worked out some more, ran, worked and worked some more. I'm tired. I'm not saying I'm too old for non-stop, but tired is tired and I need a break. So, before I fell flat on my face and my mood deteriorated even more, I decided to take the night off.
Off from what? The gym and anything else with purpose, it seems. I'm still craving a drink (I got a bottle of Sailor Jerry's Rum for my birthday that I haven't opened yet) and planning to walk instead. It used to work, walking instead of drinking, though I have little faith in the strength of my willpower at this point. Exhaustion tends to make me weaker than normal. And apparently want a drink even more. Old habits, I suppose. My goals are far less slovenly now (part of the reason why I'm so damn tired) and I hold myself to a higher standard. This, of course, precludes drinking during the week. Unless it's a special occasion. Monday was a special occasion (the anniversary of a friend's father's death). Unfortunately I can't quite seem to convince myself that 'weak willed exhaustion' is a special occasion. Self-discipline really bites in this case. Sure, it'll get me to my goals, but it provides a significant amount of frustration.
I don't think I'm unique when it comes to this. Frustration and exhaustion never seem to combine into anything productive. They make me pissy which is far from my preferred state. I'd almost rather rub salt in an open wound (two other things that don't combine well) and be done with it. In that case, once the sting subsides you're ok. Frustration and exhaustion tend to stick around a lot longer - at least until you take a guilt-ridden evening off and/or get a good night's sleep. And that's exactly where I am. I guess we can add 'guilty' to my list of complaints. I am currently frustrated, exhausted, and guilty. Groovy.
I know I'm 'allowed' to take a night off every now and again, but I still feel like I should go for a walk. By that I don't mean a walk to the convenience store to get diet root beer to mix with the Sailor Jerry's. Ok, maybe I'll take a short one down the trail and back. I'll still feel guilty, just not as guilty as if I had a drink instead. I know I've made the right choices - night off, walk instead of drink. But still... Damn self-discipline.
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