Pharmaceutical Sublimation
Well, I've officially been off the Anti-Everything Pills (AEPs) for almost two weeks. I wasn't exactly aware of everything that they made 'anti' until I stopped taking them. Six months is a long time, especially when changes evolve slowly and life gets really good (read: distracting) while medicated. I'm here to tell you that pharmaceutically-induced sanity is a wonderful thing. So wonderful, in fact, that in the midst of my happy, anxiety-free state, I apparently ignored or failed realize a few things.
First of all, not only did the AEPs help my brain function a little smoother, they also assisted in gastrointestinal regularity. You see, serotonin lives in the brain AND the 'gut' (as my doctor so non-scientifically put it last week). I'm not going to go into the gory details, but please suffice it to say that increased serotonin levels in MY 'gut' are a very good thing. The currently decreasing serotonin levels are proving to be a major pain. Nothing helps, not fiber, water, or coffee. I'm honestly thinking about getting back on the AEPs just so I can feel this kind of normal again.
Secondly, I hope that my mother has indeed taken a break from reading my posted work. The next topic, while not exactly foreign to my mother because I assure you she's read about worse in the past several years, still makes me a little skittish where she is concerned. I mean, do YOU want your mother to know the ins-and-outs of your horniness? Ok, so there it is. It's out there. I had no idea that the AEPs were providing a sort of pharmaceutical sublimation. In other words, even though I hadn't really missed it, I now realize that I haven't been horny in the past six months.
I can't say that my newly re-discovered state of mind and body is a good thing. I know most people would probably be ecstatic to feel themselves returning to normal in this regard. Of course those are probably people with regularly available sex partners. I am decidedly NOT one of those people. Sure, I could blame my current four month long 'drought' on the AEPs, but I'm fairly certain that if given the opportunity, I'd have taken it. Unfortunately, I wasn't presented with any opportunities. Maybe I'd have sought out said opportunities had I not been drugged up? Ha! Good one. In my entire adulthood, I have never gone looking. Perhaps I should, but even on my best and horniest days it's just not my style.
Needless to say, I am a master sublimator. I have always had an uncanny ability to think about other things. For years, I ran and biked my way through it. Exercise for three hours a day and you'll be too tired for it. I don't care how hot she is when she finally shows up. When I got tired of being so tired, I started writing and let my art distract me. I've written somewhere in the neighborhood of 2,000 blogs in the nearly five years I've been writing. You can't do that if you're constantly thinking about and pursuing sex. I'm pretty sure I owe at least a 1,000 of those blogs to sublimation. That's just an estimate however I think I'm probably pretty close. About the time I started writing less and hadn't yet started exercising again, I hopped on the drugs and apparently found myself a nifty pharmaceutical solution. And given that I didn't need to use writing and/or exercise for distraction, I was actually able to focus on them for what they are to most people - hobbies. My writing improved and I started enjoying my workouts. Who knew?
Please keep in mind that I am preternaturally single AND devoid of regular sex partners (Don't think on it too much... It's mind-boggling at best, anxiety producing at worst). Because of that, horny is not a good thing in my world. I see a return to writing and exercising for sublimation. I'm not sure I'm cool with that. The AEPs provided a seamless solution. I never once thought or wondered about why I wasn't horny. Until now. I wonder what will become of my writing and newly enjoyable workouts without them.
So, yeah... I'm not sure what's going to become of me without the AEPs. It's truly amazing that I'm not worried at all about my moods and anxiety at this point. Other 'side effects' have taken center stage. I've decided to wait and see if my body will re-regulate itself as it gets used to having less serotonin. Truthfully, I don't think that I can re-start taking the AEPs in good conscious without some sort of mood disturbance or symptoms of anxiety. I'm not a fan of pharmaceutical intervention anyway and would certainly feel better about taking drugs for their intended purpose. I'm not saying I WON'T because I just might if things get bad enough. At that point, I'll screw the high road. It's rare, but it won't be the first time.
First of all, not only did the AEPs help my brain function a little smoother, they also assisted in gastrointestinal regularity. You see, serotonin lives in the brain AND the 'gut' (as my doctor so non-scientifically put it last week). I'm not going to go into the gory details, but please suffice it to say that increased serotonin levels in MY 'gut' are a very good thing. The currently decreasing serotonin levels are proving to be a major pain. Nothing helps, not fiber, water, or coffee. I'm honestly thinking about getting back on the AEPs just so I can feel this kind of normal again.
Secondly, I hope that my mother has indeed taken a break from reading my posted work. The next topic, while not exactly foreign to my mother because I assure you she's read about worse in the past several years, still makes me a little skittish where she is concerned. I mean, do YOU want your mother to know the ins-and-outs of your horniness? Ok, so there it is. It's out there. I had no idea that the AEPs were providing a sort of pharmaceutical sublimation. In other words, even though I hadn't really missed it, I now realize that I haven't been horny in the past six months.
I can't say that my newly re-discovered state of mind and body is a good thing. I know most people would probably be ecstatic to feel themselves returning to normal in this regard. Of course those are probably people with regularly available sex partners. I am decidedly NOT one of those people. Sure, I could blame my current four month long 'drought' on the AEPs, but I'm fairly certain that if given the opportunity, I'd have taken it. Unfortunately, I wasn't presented with any opportunities. Maybe I'd have sought out said opportunities had I not been drugged up? Ha! Good one. In my entire adulthood, I have never gone looking. Perhaps I should, but even on my best and horniest days it's just not my style.
Needless to say, I am a master sublimator. I have always had an uncanny ability to think about other things. For years, I ran and biked my way through it. Exercise for three hours a day and you'll be too tired for it. I don't care how hot she is when she finally shows up. When I got tired of being so tired, I started writing and let my art distract me. I've written somewhere in the neighborhood of 2,000 blogs in the nearly five years I've been writing. You can't do that if you're constantly thinking about and pursuing sex. I'm pretty sure I owe at least a 1,000 of those blogs to sublimation. That's just an estimate however I think I'm probably pretty close. About the time I started writing less and hadn't yet started exercising again, I hopped on the drugs and apparently found myself a nifty pharmaceutical solution. And given that I didn't need to use writing and/or exercise for distraction, I was actually able to focus on them for what they are to most people - hobbies. My writing improved and I started enjoying my workouts. Who knew?
Please keep in mind that I am preternaturally single AND devoid of regular sex partners (Don't think on it too much... It's mind-boggling at best, anxiety producing at worst). Because of that, horny is not a good thing in my world. I see a return to writing and exercising for sublimation. I'm not sure I'm cool with that. The AEPs provided a seamless solution. I never once thought or wondered about why I wasn't horny. Until now. I wonder what will become of my writing and newly enjoyable workouts without them.
So, yeah... I'm not sure what's going to become of me without the AEPs. It's truly amazing that I'm not worried at all about my moods and anxiety at this point. Other 'side effects' have taken center stage. I've decided to wait and see if my body will re-regulate itself as it gets used to having less serotonin. Truthfully, I don't think that I can re-start taking the AEPs in good conscious without some sort of mood disturbance or symptoms of anxiety. I'm not a fan of pharmaceutical intervention anyway and would certainly feel better about taking drugs for their intended purpose. I'm not saying I WON'T because I just might if things get bad enough. At that point, I'll screw the high road. It's rare, but it won't be the first time.
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