And For My Next Trick
I think it's time I tried to cut back on caffeine. Over the past few months I've worked on aspartame, fiber, fruit, vegetables, and protein. I'm far from Stepford about it. Simply put, I seek to make the best I choice I can in the moment I'm in but I allow myself to eat and drink what I want when I want it. My ardent hope is that I want what's good for me, however that's not always the case. I eat pizza, fast food burgers, and the occasional donut. I've also been known to enjoy a mango margarita or two. Some say I cut myself too much slack, that I should treat my body as a temple, that I should strive towards perfection. News flash, kids - there's never been anything perfect about me and I'm not going to start now. I like to meander down the path, not walk a tightrope.
All that said, I do maintain a healthy focus. When I say that I drink margaritas and eat pizza, I don't mean every day. They may not be exclusively 'cheat day treats', but they are certainly an exception to the rule. The 'rule' has me counting calories and grams of protein and fiber. I'm mindful, not insane. I like what I like, crave what I crave, and give in when I give in. Most days are 'good' days, just not every day. Truthfully, I make better and more healthful choices than most people I know. I just allow myself a certain amount of play.
I've walked the tightrope. I have. And I won't do it again. After years of anorexia, I understand the importance of flexibility. I will never again attempt to control food because whatever we seek to control ends up controlling us. I've been there. I've monitored, controlled, purged, hated myself, and allowed myself to be enslaved. Today, after years of recovery, I have a more reasonable relationship with food and a healthier lifestyle. Point blank, I am healthier now than I've ever been. It's all a process. Give up this, add that, be realistic.
I'm definitely the poster child for 'realistic', not perfect. I live in a world that includes pizza buffets, Whataburger, and Serrano's mango margaritas. I'm not going to forgo all that in favor of a stringent, restrictive lifestyle just because they're not 'good' for me. Moderation is the key to health and happiness. And you can't have one without the other. Occasionally pizza makes me happy. Occasionally sugar snap peas make me happy. I'm good with it and apparently so is my body.
Anyway, back to my original premise. It's time to cut back on caffeine. I don't foresee a time when I'll be completely caffeine-free. I did that when I was anorexic. In addition to no sugar, no fat, no calories, I was also against caffeine and carbonation. I was weird, wild, and for all my control, decisively out of control. Like I said a moment ago, I won't do that again. These days it's all about real. Real means 'cutting back' and choosing decaf when I can. Given my new found love of diet root beer, it shouldn't be that hard. Root beer is naturally decaffeinated. Of course, I haven't found one made with Splenda instead of aspartame yet. In my book, aspartame and reducing of the symptoms of early on-set dementia are more important than caffeine. It's all about making the best choice I can in the moment I'm in. Right now it's decaf coffee. This afternoon, it might be a mango margarita or Sailor Jerry and diet root beer. We'll have to see.
All that said, I do maintain a healthy focus. When I say that I drink margaritas and eat pizza, I don't mean every day. They may not be exclusively 'cheat day treats', but they are certainly an exception to the rule. The 'rule' has me counting calories and grams of protein and fiber. I'm mindful, not insane. I like what I like, crave what I crave, and give in when I give in. Most days are 'good' days, just not every day. Truthfully, I make better and more healthful choices than most people I know. I just allow myself a certain amount of play.
I've walked the tightrope. I have. And I won't do it again. After years of anorexia, I understand the importance of flexibility. I will never again attempt to control food because whatever we seek to control ends up controlling us. I've been there. I've monitored, controlled, purged, hated myself, and allowed myself to be enslaved. Today, after years of recovery, I have a more reasonable relationship with food and a healthier lifestyle. Point blank, I am healthier now than I've ever been. It's all a process. Give up this, add that, be realistic.
I'm definitely the poster child for 'realistic', not perfect. I live in a world that includes pizza buffets, Whataburger, and Serrano's mango margaritas. I'm not going to forgo all that in favor of a stringent, restrictive lifestyle just because they're not 'good' for me. Moderation is the key to health and happiness. And you can't have one without the other. Occasionally pizza makes me happy. Occasionally sugar snap peas make me happy. I'm good with it and apparently so is my body.
Anyway, back to my original premise. It's time to cut back on caffeine. I don't foresee a time when I'll be completely caffeine-free. I did that when I was anorexic. In addition to no sugar, no fat, no calories, I was also against caffeine and carbonation. I was weird, wild, and for all my control, decisively out of control. Like I said a moment ago, I won't do that again. These days it's all about real. Real means 'cutting back' and choosing decaf when I can. Given my new found love of diet root beer, it shouldn't be that hard. Root beer is naturally decaffeinated. Of course, I haven't found one made with Splenda instead of aspartame yet. In my book, aspartame and reducing of the symptoms of early on-set dementia are more important than caffeine. It's all about making the best choice I can in the moment I'm in. Right now it's decaf coffee. This afternoon, it might be a mango margarita or Sailor Jerry and diet root beer. We'll have to see.
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