Perfect? Whatever.
I'm not saying I believe them. Honestly, it doesn't matter. Perception is always reality. Always. People will think what they will. You can explain different, even BE different, but people are people. Once they make up their mind, there is little that can be done to change it. On some occasions, this is a good thing. However, in my experience, it's usually ends up kind of sucky. You see, from the moment they perceive 'IT' (we'll discuss exactly what 'IT' is in a moment), I might get 'One-Mississippi, Two-Mississippi' out before whatever it was we were attempting ends. Without ceremony, affection, or admission of culpability, they run. They're out. Done. And they never look back. It used to confuse me, but I'm ready for it these days. I don't wait for it, but I know it's coming. They say 'IT'. I cross my eyes, exhale, and start the egg-timer. On your mark, get set, deuces.
Alright, so what is 'IT'? What are they perceiving that is so bad and so (largely) untrue? Three pretty ordinary phrases. Sometimes they are used in combination (which tends to speed up the burn out), but more often than not I'm hit with one or another. Three phrases - Perfect. Everything. Too Much. They don't seem that bad, do they? Perfect is good. Everything (as long as it's a good Everything, which in this case it's presupposed to be) is good. Too Much is good (unless we're talking about snakes, sharks, or tequila). Three good phrases, yet somehow they herald the beginning of the end.
Let's take each on in turn... But first this disclaimer. We are going to discuss these three phrases in relation to me. I want it on the record that I don't believe that I am Perfect, Everything, or Too Much. I don't pretend to be anything I'm not and at this point I would really prefer that none be used in reference to me ever again. We are discussing something purely imaginary, a skewed perception. All that said, I'm going to make a few statements that are pretty embarrassing to me and I would rather they not be repeated.
* Perfect - As in 'You have the most perfect body'. This is merely the most recent example. In addition to physical perfection, I've been emotionally perfect, spiritually perfect, and intellectually perfect. Perfect means 'flawless', am I right? Ok, this all seems self-evident to me. My body isn't perfect - it's too white (I did recently start tanning so that might not be true for long); I have interesting fat deposits in places I would prefer them not to be; my arms that were once the talk of the town are now slightly above average at best; my hair never behaves; and I forget to shave more often than I remember. My emotions aren't perfect - I'm anxious, impatient, lazy, and prone to depression. My spirit isn't perfect - My beliefs are left of center, hard for most to understand, and seem to cause spontaneous eye rolling. My intellect isn't perfect - I can't do math beyond basic algebra, my spelling is getting worse by the day, and I'm fighting my way through some aspartame-induced early on-set dementia. I'll admit I'm okay, but Perfect? Uh, no. Not even close. Perfection is relative, but still no.
* Everything - As in, 'Stacee, you're Everything'. Like, really? Seriously? Everything? I can't cook or change my own oil. I sleep with a teddy bear. I procrastinate everything except brushing my teeth. I'm medicated for your enjoyment. I'm too impatient to sit still too long. I'm so preternaturally broke that it's almost spooky. I talk to myself. I suck at pool, golf, and darts. I usually have bed-head well into the afternoon and I very, very seldom iron my clothes. By my count, that is so from Everything that it might actually be nothing.
* Too Much - As in, 'Stacee, you are Too Much'. When I first heard that several years ago, I thought it was a good thing, like, 'you can never be too thin, too rich, or too pretty'. It's actually okay until they get to thinking about it. Then it's not what they meant at all. What started out as a good thing turns into too much Jagermeister or too much water leaking out of their dishwasher. They don't want either of those and incidentally, they don't want me either.
In the end, what they perceive I am becomes my death notice. They can't deal with everything they think I am (including but not limited to 'Everything') and they break off whatever it was we were doing. This could mean sleeping together, dating, or more. Once the realization hits them, my days are numbered. I used to cry about the rejection, but I see it differently now. My standards are higher these days. I'm less likely to be all mamby-pamby and weepy. If they reject me because I'm 'Perfect', 'Everything', or 'Too Much', it's about THEM, not me. It comes down to one simple fact - they can't handle who they think I am (here's the kicker so hold onto your seats.......) in relation to who they think they are. That's not on me. I'm responsible for my self-image, not theirs. Truly, if they think they can't live up to who they think I am, they have no business doing whatever it was they were doing with me. I'd have figured out the insecurity soon enough, but I should thank them for speeding up the process. I don't expect Perfect, Everything, or Too Much, but I do enjoy a well-developed sense of self. I'm actually a lot easier than I look.
So this latest pronouncement of perfection... Yeah, I'm not expecting much, unless she's different than 98% of those who have come before. Soon enough she'll get to thinking and comparing and I'll be out. Given that there are so many people less Perfect out there (and thus more beneficial to compare oneself to), I'm gonna start with the Mississippi's soon. My supposed perfection is nothing more than a perception, her perception. It's as far from reality as I am from marrying Ashley Judd. Still, it means everything and too much to them, which is never good for me.
Alright, so what is 'IT'? What are they perceiving that is so bad and so (largely) untrue? Three pretty ordinary phrases. Sometimes they are used in combination (which tends to speed up the burn out), but more often than not I'm hit with one or another. Three phrases - Perfect. Everything. Too Much. They don't seem that bad, do they? Perfect is good. Everything (as long as it's a good Everything, which in this case it's presupposed to be) is good. Too Much is good (unless we're talking about snakes, sharks, or tequila). Three good phrases, yet somehow they herald the beginning of the end.
Let's take each on in turn... But first this disclaimer. We are going to discuss these three phrases in relation to me. I want it on the record that I don't believe that I am Perfect, Everything, or Too Much. I don't pretend to be anything I'm not and at this point I would really prefer that none be used in reference to me ever again. We are discussing something purely imaginary, a skewed perception. All that said, I'm going to make a few statements that are pretty embarrassing to me and I would rather they not be repeated.
* Perfect - As in 'You have the most perfect body'. This is merely the most recent example. In addition to physical perfection, I've been emotionally perfect, spiritually perfect, and intellectually perfect. Perfect means 'flawless', am I right? Ok, this all seems self-evident to me. My body isn't perfect - it's too white (I did recently start tanning so that might not be true for long); I have interesting fat deposits in places I would prefer them not to be; my arms that were once the talk of the town are now slightly above average at best; my hair never behaves; and I forget to shave more often than I remember. My emotions aren't perfect - I'm anxious, impatient, lazy, and prone to depression. My spirit isn't perfect - My beliefs are left of center, hard for most to understand, and seem to cause spontaneous eye rolling. My intellect isn't perfect - I can't do math beyond basic algebra, my spelling is getting worse by the day, and I'm fighting my way through some aspartame-induced early on-set dementia. I'll admit I'm okay, but Perfect? Uh, no. Not even close. Perfection is relative, but still no.
* Everything - As in, 'Stacee, you're Everything'. Like, really? Seriously? Everything? I can't cook or change my own oil. I sleep with a teddy bear. I procrastinate everything except brushing my teeth. I'm medicated for your enjoyment. I'm too impatient to sit still too long. I'm so preternaturally broke that it's almost spooky. I talk to myself. I suck at pool, golf, and darts. I usually have bed-head well into the afternoon and I very, very seldom iron my clothes. By my count, that is so from Everything that it might actually be nothing.
* Too Much - As in, 'Stacee, you are Too Much'. When I first heard that several years ago, I thought it was a good thing, like, 'you can never be too thin, too rich, or too pretty'. It's actually okay until they get to thinking about it. Then it's not what they meant at all. What started out as a good thing turns into too much Jagermeister or too much water leaking out of their dishwasher. They don't want either of those and incidentally, they don't want me either.
In the end, what they perceive I am becomes my death notice. They can't deal with everything they think I am (including but not limited to 'Everything') and they break off whatever it was we were doing. This could mean sleeping together, dating, or more. Once the realization hits them, my days are numbered. I used to cry about the rejection, but I see it differently now. My standards are higher these days. I'm less likely to be all mamby-pamby and weepy. If they reject me because I'm 'Perfect', 'Everything', or 'Too Much', it's about THEM, not me. It comes down to one simple fact - they can't handle who they think I am (here's the kicker so hold onto your seats.......) in relation to who they think they are. That's not on me. I'm responsible for my self-image, not theirs. Truly, if they think they can't live up to who they think I am, they have no business doing whatever it was they were doing with me. I'd have figured out the insecurity soon enough, but I should thank them for speeding up the process. I don't expect Perfect, Everything, or Too Much, but I do enjoy a well-developed sense of self. I'm actually a lot easier than I look.
So this latest pronouncement of perfection... Yeah, I'm not expecting much, unless she's different than 98% of those who have come before. Soon enough she'll get to thinking and comparing and I'll be out. Given that there are so many people less Perfect out there (and thus more beneficial to compare oneself to), I'm gonna start with the Mississippi's soon. My supposed perfection is nothing more than a perception, her perception. It's as far from reality as I am from marrying Ashley Judd. Still, it means everything and too much to them, which is never good for me.
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