'It's Whatever'

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'Most of all I'm thankful for loving who I really am.'

~ from 'The Color Purple'


A friend told me today that she was worried about me. I've asked why. She hasn't answered. In any case, I have a sneaking suspicion. I admit it's been a weird week and, if I'd let it, my self-esteem could have taken a beating. But truly... There's nothing to worry about. Not with me. I'm always ok. Mostly because I've always been ok. I'm strong. Rejection and devastation bring their own share of Grace. I've fought my way back too many times to count. Each time made me stronger and now I'm so strong that little bothers me. And this week, while weird, wasn't enough to get me down. There's nothing to worry about here. Nothing at all.

I often get in trouble for saying, 'It's whatever'. But this week, it really was 'whatever'. Most things are. People will do what they're going to do and there's little I can to do stop them or start them or change them. Therefore, it's always pretty much whatever. Whatever they want. My role in the situation is to find the Grace in their decision and that decision's impact upon me. Trust me, I've been on the ass end of many, many (many) decisions and each and EVERY time I found enough Grace to get myself to the other side.

So really, Honey... There's nothing to worry about on this one. It's whatever. Whatever I make it out to be. I'm strong enough to realize it is what it is and never was what it never was. I'm good with that. Mostly because I'm good with me. I may pause a moment, but it won't be for long. I know who I am and I know what's out there for me. Eventually. On down the road. If anything, I know patience. And funny, I'm finally pretty good at it.

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