One Word
It was just one word. One. In my defense, it's kind of a long one. More than twelve letters across four syllables. Still I feel like I should know. Yet I was at such a loss that I asked three friends for help. What does it mean? Yes, I own a dictionary and yes, I have access to Dictionary.com. It's simply not that easy. I know the definition. I got that. I need the meaning. As in 'What does it mean?'. Or more specifically, 'What did she mean?'. I know. I know. It always involves a girl. I can't apologize for the truth.
I've been contemplating it on and off all day. Analyzed it from this angle and that angle. Frontwards, backwards, from the top and from the bottom. Sadly, for all the time I spend analyzing, I'm simply no good at it. Especially in this case. I got nothing. My friends? They, too, have nothing.
You see I want it to mean one thing. I really want it to mean one thing. Of course, that requires a whole lot of wishful thinking and I'm no good at wishful thinking. These days I'm too much of a realist to believe that wishes (specifically wishes like this) come true more than once in a lifetime. I fear that I've already had my chance. So, as much as I'd like that one word to mean THAT, I just don't think it does. I mean it could, but I don't think it does. Thoughts do become things, Stacee. Ugh. That again. I know. I remember well the miracle debit card, chocolate chip cookies, and cheap airfare that I apparently thought into being a few years ago. That's easy stuff. We're talking about a girl here. A girl.
So, I'm left with one word and a whole lot of contemplating. It could mean a thousand things, if not more. I know words, just not this one in this case in this context. And that bothers me. I wish it could be clear cut, easy. Just ask her? Uh, no. Nope. Can't. Won't. Not gonna and you can't make me. Because if it's anything but what I wish it was, I'm going to look like a dumbass. Again. And the chances of it being what I wish it was are slimmer than slim. OK, I'm going to make one more pass by it then let it go. No more contemplating, no more analyzing, no more wondering. Give me a minute. Done.
I've been contemplating it on and off all day. Analyzed it from this angle and that angle. Frontwards, backwards, from the top and from the bottom. Sadly, for all the time I spend analyzing, I'm simply no good at it. Especially in this case. I got nothing. My friends? They, too, have nothing.
You see I want it to mean one thing. I really want it to mean one thing. Of course, that requires a whole lot of wishful thinking and I'm no good at wishful thinking. These days I'm too much of a realist to believe that wishes (specifically wishes like this) come true more than once in a lifetime. I fear that I've already had my chance. So, as much as I'd like that one word to mean THAT, I just don't think it does. I mean it could, but I don't think it does. Thoughts do become things, Stacee. Ugh. That again. I know. I remember well the miracle debit card, chocolate chip cookies, and cheap airfare that I apparently thought into being a few years ago. That's easy stuff. We're talking about a girl here. A girl.
So, I'm left with one word and a whole lot of contemplating. It could mean a thousand things, if not more. I know words, just not this one in this case in this context. And that bothers me. I wish it could be clear cut, easy. Just ask her? Uh, no. Nope. Can't. Won't. Not gonna and you can't make me. Because if it's anything but what I wish it was, I'm going to look like a dumbass. Again. And the chances of it being what I wish it was are slimmer than slim. OK, I'm going to make one more pass by it then let it go. No more contemplating, no more analyzing, no more wondering. Give me a minute. Done.
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