Dragonflies, Butterflies, and Too Much Analysis
The dragonfly tells me that things are not always as they seem. And there were a zillion of them yesterday. Butterflies, too. The butterfly tells me that change is coming. Transformation, really. I'm still not sure if those are the same - change and transformation. When one is transformed, one is changed. However, when one is changed, is he or she transformed? I'm skeptical on that last part. Transformation seems big, huge even. Bigger than change anyway. Change means a new job, a new friend, a new place to live, a new way of thinking, or new running shoes. Transformation means that the new job, the new friend, the new place to live, new thoughts, or new running shoes change you somehow. I guess what I'm trying to say is that change has the ability to transform and that transformation always results from some change.
Everything may not be as it seems, however, I feel like I'm on the precipice of something. Change is coming. I can feel it (or maybe it's just wishful thinking). And I expect that this change, whatever it is, will result in some sort of transformation. The Big C becomes the Big T. A year ago this weekend, I made the decision to move to Austin. I've been dealing with change ever since. I can't say I've been transformed. Maybe that's what's coming now - the final change that leads to transformation. After nearly a year of enduring one change after another, maybe I am finally ready to be transformed.
It's about damn time. I'm tired of seemingly pointless change. I'm learning that if change comes with some overarching transformation of body, mind, or spirit, it's all good. If it's just change for the sake of change? No, thanks. It's just not worth it. My psyche doesn't allow me to cope with change all that well. Unless I can convince myself that it will all mean something in the end. It's been ten months. I'm ready to know the point of all this.
Yet the dragonfly says that all is not as it seems. I have a change in mind and a transformation that goes with it. I've been TBT'ing it (that's Thoughts Become Things... You know 'The Secret'...? Thank my friends, Julie and Kendra, for planting that acronym in my brain) constantly, asking my Magic 8 Ball, wishing on 11:11, framing my thoughts when I see 111 (from Angel Numbers), and being happy when I see 555 (from Angel Numbers... It means transformation/change is coming). For once in my life I'm trying to embrace change, rather than fear it. Even with all this positive thinking, the old me shines through. I have this niggling negative thought running through my head more than occasionally that tells me I'll never get this change, that it's all just an illusion.
Then here comes dragonfly. All is not as it seems...? Does that mean in a good way or a bad way? Am I right to doubt? Or wrong to doubt? Christ on a skateboard, I'm confused. Goodness knows I think too much for my own good. I ought to simply trust God and move on. And it's not that I don't trust God or doubt His plan. I do and I do. I'm just impatient. God and I seem to roll at different speeds. I'm trying to slow down and wait for God to catch up, but damn. I know He knows best. I should probably sit back and enjoy today because it all may different soon; I may be different soon.
For once I'm not complaining. I'm ready. For change. For transformation. For a new challenge, for a better me. Maybe all of the above. In the meantime, I guess I just need to do what I do - work, write, walk, and maybe run a little. Soon. It should be soon. Unless it's all just an illusion.
Everything may not be as it seems, however, I feel like I'm on the precipice of something. Change is coming. I can feel it (or maybe it's just wishful thinking). And I expect that this change, whatever it is, will result in some sort of transformation. The Big C becomes the Big T. A year ago this weekend, I made the decision to move to Austin. I've been dealing with change ever since. I can't say I've been transformed. Maybe that's what's coming now - the final change that leads to transformation. After nearly a year of enduring one change after another, maybe I am finally ready to be transformed.
It's about damn time. I'm tired of seemingly pointless change. I'm learning that if change comes with some overarching transformation of body, mind, or spirit, it's all good. If it's just change for the sake of change? No, thanks. It's just not worth it. My psyche doesn't allow me to cope with change all that well. Unless I can convince myself that it will all mean something in the end. It's been ten months. I'm ready to know the point of all this.
Yet the dragonfly says that all is not as it seems. I have a change in mind and a transformation that goes with it. I've been TBT'ing it (that's Thoughts Become Things... You know 'The Secret'...? Thank my friends, Julie and Kendra, for planting that acronym in my brain) constantly, asking my Magic 8 Ball, wishing on 11:11, framing my thoughts when I see 111 (from Angel Numbers), and being happy when I see 555 (from Angel Numbers... It means transformation/change is coming). For once in my life I'm trying to embrace change, rather than fear it. Even with all this positive thinking, the old me shines through. I have this niggling negative thought running through my head more than occasionally that tells me I'll never get this change, that it's all just an illusion.
Then here comes dragonfly. All is not as it seems...? Does that mean in a good way or a bad way? Am I right to doubt? Or wrong to doubt? Christ on a skateboard, I'm confused. Goodness knows I think too much for my own good. I ought to simply trust God and move on. And it's not that I don't trust God or doubt His plan. I do and I do. I'm just impatient. God and I seem to roll at different speeds. I'm trying to slow down and wait for God to catch up, but damn. I know He knows best. I should probably sit back and enjoy today because it all may different soon; I may be different soon.
For once I'm not complaining. I'm ready. For change. For transformation. For a new challenge, for a better me. Maybe all of the above. In the meantime, I guess I just need to do what I do - work, write, walk, and maybe run a little. Soon. It should be soon. Unless it's all just an illusion.
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