The Need for Selfishness

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When I look out over the landscape of the next few months, I wonder if I'll be able to do everything I'm planning to do. See, I've never been one to accomplish much. I make tentative plans with myself. That way I can either follow through or not. More often that not, I don't follow through. It's not a failure, per se. It's just not a success. I like to think I do enough without hardly trying. I point myself in the right direction and hope for the best. Luckily, every so often, thoughts actually do become things.

Between now and the end of January, I have a lot on my plate -
  • Three 5k races
  • One half marathon
  • A huge roll-out at work (that just adds to everything I have to do regardless)
  • Moving my dogs from Texarkana to Austin
  • Moving the rest of my crap from Texarkana to Austin
  • Renting out my house in Texarkana
  • Depending on how the dogs settle in, I may have to find a new place to live (I'm hoping I can hang on here for awhile, but we'll have to see how it goes for everyone involved)
  • A week of vacation to help my mom recover from her second bionic body part operation (her knee this time)
  • Finish grad school applications for Harvard and Yale (Yes, for real. Divinity School), including taking the GRE, writing essays, and finding three people to write a decent recommendation letter
  • A week of vacation visiting my dad and step-mom in California
  • Keeping up with my blog
  • Selling my book
  • Working on my second book
  • The Effin Holidays. Thankfully, I still don't celebrate.
  • Paying off my medical bills related to my bicep tendon tear
  • Continuing to rehab my shoulder
I'm sure there's more, as if that isn't enough. I think the key to my survival and success is going to be something I am incredibly good at - SELFISHNESS. I used to have it down to a science. I was the only one that mattered and I took very good care of myself. Some may say I was too focused on myself and I might be willing to agree. I have learned some balance and know when to say, 'No'. To myself. And to everyone else, incidentally.

I have four months, four absolutely key months, ahead. It's going to take everything I've got to come out in one piece and with a modicum of success. I know what I need to do and it's not going to sit well with some. From this moment on, if it doesn't move me forward, I'm not going to do it. I know that probably sounds awful to people who spend their lives doting on and placating others, but I just can't do it any more.

I'm already tapped and I've only just begun. As the months wear on, my time and energy are going to be severely limited. I can only cut this pie into so many pieces and I have to be my priority. Besides it's MY damn pie. I can cut it any way I want. My success depends solely upon me and my focus. ME and MY. That's it. That's all.

I haven't told the world to suck it in a very long time. Let's hope everyone gets it so I don't have to.

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