Far Out
I've long had little tolerance for bullshit. Assuredly, I've created plenty of my own on occasion. Probably not as much as most, but I've contributed my share. These days, however, I'm trying to limit my involvement all together. It's out of necessity, really. I don't have the time or energy to deal with anything that smacks of bs or drama. Given that bs and drama are EVERYWHERE, I find myself retreating more and more into myself.
I'm a forgiving person, so it's not like I hold grudges or wish evil on anyone who has splashed me and my life with bullshit. All that only serves to create more bullshit and as I said, I have a low tolerance. And really, what good would it do for me to piss, moan, and whine about this or that? I don't see the point. I deal by forgiving and retreating. I love who I love and, I assure you, that won't change any time soon. In my world, it's possible to love but not like. This means that I'm not going to stick around the splash zone or stress myself out worrying about something I have little control over.
Last night a friend and I talked about 'secluded wanting'. We are both in seclusion and there are 'things' we want. She thinks she'll find what she wants in a person. She is also fifteen years younger than me and can live that fantasy if she wants to. I'm a little further along than that - I know that none of my wants are locked up in a person. Go me.
I hate to break it to her, but she's staring down a long stretch of bullshit and drama. Looking without rather than within always brings it's share and she will be no different. Of course, had I secluded myself in my late twenties and thirties, I wouldn't be where I am today. All those years of bs taught me a lot - Lesson 1: Don't tolerate bullshit.
And that's where I am now. Secluded and looking within. I can't say it's a bad place to be. Sure, it's lonely at times, but I'm tired of getting blown by friends who just don't get it. The only way I know to deal is to forgive and move on. Alone. And in limited doses. I'm learning a lot about 'limited doses'. This mean that I interact sparingly. Two drinks every two weeks is about where I draw that line. Any less and I start missing people. Any more and I start feeling the approach of bullshit.
It's a delicate balance but one I must maintain for my sanity. I love the world and the people who live in it. For the most part. It's the other 'parts' that make me run screaming toward agoraphobia. One day, however, I will find everything I want (interestingly, a bullshit-free life is one of my wants). These things will not be found in the world. They will be found within me. That said, I'm out. So far out, I'm in.
I wish everyone the best. See you on the flip side. Or for a few drinks in a week or so.
I'm a forgiving person, so it's not like I hold grudges or wish evil on anyone who has splashed me and my life with bullshit. All that only serves to create more bullshit and as I said, I have a low tolerance. And really, what good would it do for me to piss, moan, and whine about this or that? I don't see the point. I deal by forgiving and retreating. I love who I love and, I assure you, that won't change any time soon. In my world, it's possible to love but not like. This means that I'm not going to stick around the splash zone or stress myself out worrying about something I have little control over.
Last night a friend and I talked about 'secluded wanting'. We are both in seclusion and there are 'things' we want. She thinks she'll find what she wants in a person. She is also fifteen years younger than me and can live that fantasy if she wants to. I'm a little further along than that - I know that none of my wants are locked up in a person. Go me.
I hate to break it to her, but she's staring down a long stretch of bullshit and drama. Looking without rather than within always brings it's share and she will be no different. Of course, had I secluded myself in my late twenties and thirties, I wouldn't be where I am today. All those years of bs taught me a lot - Lesson 1: Don't tolerate bullshit.
And that's where I am now. Secluded and looking within. I can't say it's a bad place to be. Sure, it's lonely at times, but I'm tired of getting blown by friends who just don't get it. The only way I know to deal is to forgive and move on. Alone. And in limited doses. I'm learning a lot about 'limited doses'. This mean that I interact sparingly. Two drinks every two weeks is about where I draw that line. Any less and I start missing people. Any more and I start feeling the approach of bullshit.
It's a delicate balance but one I must maintain for my sanity. I love the world and the people who live in it. For the most part. It's the other 'parts' that make me run screaming toward agoraphobia. One day, however, I will find everything I want (interestingly, a bullshit-free life is one of my wants). These things will not be found in the world. They will be found within me. That said, I'm out. So far out, I'm in.
I wish everyone the best. See you on the flip side. Or for a few drinks in a week or so.
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