The Beauty of Being Me
Straight women are confusing. Let's just start there, shall we? In all honesty, I know it's not the straight women who are confusing. It's the straight women who want to be be confusing that are confusing. Truly, I have a zillion of straight friends who have never once confused me. They were what they were (ie. straight) and I was what I was (ie. not) and we got along famously and with absolutely no confusion what so ever.
Confusion is ok. It is. I'm beyond buying into it. I recognize fun when I see it and a confused straight woman can be the best kind. It's just that I like to know what sort of confusion I'm walking into before I walk into it. Are we talking about experimental confusion (meaning I might actually get somewhere) or attention-getting confusion (meaning I'm not getting a damn thing)?
Experimental confusion is where I was in my mid to late twenties. I still called myself 'straight' but I knew deep inside that the jury was still out. I sought out friendships with lesbians and I would have loved to have an older lesbian take me under her wing (so to speak) to learn the ropes. I know now that such a situation would have been detrimental to my future mental health, but at the time I'd have been way cool with it. As luck would have it, I'm now that 'older lesbian' who is more than able to do the under wing taking thing. I'm not saying I want to; there are all kinds of inherent issues that should lead me to choose another direction. Of course, there are all kinds of issues that make such a situation perfect for me at this point in my life. Sure, she might go crazy but she's not going to stay long. I like that.
Attention-getting confusion is a whole different animal. It's manipulative and, while fun in the early-going, it usually turns bad quickly. These women flirt and enjoy the attention they get but they are light-years from acting on anything. They are, if anything, an exercise in frustration. Most of them are happily-enough married and ninety-eight percent straight; they're just bored and seeking some adventure. And incidentally some attention. They are also all kinds of bad news. They will not experiment. Alright, they may give away a kiss and may hint at more and they absolutely, truly believe that they want it. However, when it comes right down to it, they aren't interested. Oh sure, they'll go on to divorce their husband in the the next year or two, but they won't come looking for a woman at that point. Why not? They're straight. They'll re-marry within a year and that will be that.
My latest straight girl? Yeah, she's far too young and I've caught her checking me out far too often, so I'm certain that she's in the 'Experimental Confusion' group which is totally ok with me. She's attractive (God knows I noticed her about the same time I caught her noticing me), fun, flirty, and drives a kick-ass truck. I'm sold. On the temporary nature of the flirtation. I have no idea where it will go and I know more than better to get 'my honey where I get my money' (ie. I don't date people I work with), but........... And as usual, it's the 'but' that will kill you.
All I know if that this time if her mother is older than me, I'm out. Look, I know better than this whole thing. I do. In my defense, I think I have the right attitude - I'm not expecting forever (God help me..... I want no part of forever). Hell, I'm barely expecting tomorrow, but I do wish she was with me tonight.
I assume that's a bad thing, however it's been a bad year and we're creeping on toward October. I refuse to let 2011 to pass without some sort of 'interaction' with a woman. 2009 rocked. 2010 started well then downshifted into questionable and ended with an amazing holiday season. 2011 has been a whole lot of nothing. I've been good with that, but I think it's time I made a few changes. If those changes involve a confused straight woman, so be it. I mean, when all is said and done, she may not be straight anymore anyway. Ha! No worries, though. Either way, she won't be with me. And that, my friends, is the beauty of being me.
Confusion is ok. It is. I'm beyond buying into it. I recognize fun when I see it and a confused straight woman can be the best kind. It's just that I like to know what sort of confusion I'm walking into before I walk into it. Are we talking about experimental confusion (meaning I might actually get somewhere) or attention-getting confusion (meaning I'm not getting a damn thing)?
Experimental confusion is where I was in my mid to late twenties. I still called myself 'straight' but I knew deep inside that the jury was still out. I sought out friendships with lesbians and I would have loved to have an older lesbian take me under her wing (so to speak) to learn the ropes. I know now that such a situation would have been detrimental to my future mental health, but at the time I'd have been way cool with it. As luck would have it, I'm now that 'older lesbian' who is more than able to do the under wing taking thing. I'm not saying I want to; there are all kinds of inherent issues that should lead me to choose another direction. Of course, there are all kinds of issues that make such a situation perfect for me at this point in my life. Sure, she might go crazy but she's not going to stay long. I like that.
Attention-getting confusion is a whole different animal. It's manipulative and, while fun in the early-going, it usually turns bad quickly. These women flirt and enjoy the attention they get but they are light-years from acting on anything. They are, if anything, an exercise in frustration. Most of them are happily-enough married and ninety-eight percent straight; they're just bored and seeking some adventure. And incidentally some attention. They are also all kinds of bad news. They will not experiment. Alright, they may give away a kiss and may hint at more and they absolutely, truly believe that they want it. However, when it comes right down to it, they aren't interested. Oh sure, they'll go on to divorce their husband in the the next year or two, but they won't come looking for a woman at that point. Why not? They're straight. They'll re-marry within a year and that will be that.
My latest straight girl? Yeah, she's far too young and I've caught her checking me out far too often, so I'm certain that she's in the 'Experimental Confusion' group which is totally ok with me. She's attractive (God knows I noticed her about the same time I caught her noticing me), fun, flirty, and drives a kick-ass truck. I'm sold. On the temporary nature of the flirtation. I have no idea where it will go and I know more than better to get 'my honey where I get my money' (ie. I don't date people I work with), but........... And as usual, it's the 'but' that will kill you.
All I know if that this time if her mother is older than me, I'm out. Look, I know better than this whole thing. I do. In my defense, I think I have the right attitude - I'm not expecting forever (God help me..... I want no part of forever). Hell, I'm barely expecting tomorrow, but I do wish she was with me tonight.
I assume that's a bad thing, however it's been a bad year and we're creeping on toward October. I refuse to let 2011 to pass without some sort of 'interaction' with a woman. 2009 rocked. 2010 started well then downshifted into questionable and ended with an amazing holiday season. 2011 has been a whole lot of nothing. I've been good with that, but I think it's time I made a few changes. If those changes involve a confused straight woman, so be it. I mean, when all is said and done, she may not be straight anymore anyway. Ha! No worries, though. Either way, she won't be with me. And that, my friends, is the beauty of being me.
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